The Missing Link
by Elephant Travels
Summary: Addison Willcox was just a girl with a gift she was trying to hide and a past she was desperate to forget. Her escape route leads her to America and straight into the arms of it's favourite Captain and his team of troubled heroes. Now she finds herself with a new career and family and has to battle to save the world but will she be able to fight for the most important thing of all?
1. Chapter 1

Pulling my coat around me I move more quickly down the street, glancing at my shadow as it appears every now and then in the dim light of a lamp post. It had been a complete washout of a night and I was in a hurry to get home and open a bottle of wine and forget the whole thing had happened. 'It will be a laugh' they said, 'a fancy-dress party, a chance to forget about that prick' they said… they lied. It had been nearly six months since I had last seen him, Terry I mean, my ex. We had been a destructive mix from the get go, I should have listened to my friends about that one, I should have done a lot of things but I never could think straight when he was near me. You see when I met Terry it was like the world stopped and then it sped up again and everything was so much brighter and fuller and… it was magical and terrifying all in one and I was addicted to it. I was addicted to him. It wasn't until two years later that I realised what kind of a man he really was, what kind of a woman he had turned me into. Everything was a game to him and soon the highs started dimming and so he had to seek them elsewhere. It started with little things like, more extreme holidays, bigger nights out, seeing how far he could get away with being late to work every day. Then he got the sack and the other things weren't working either that's when the drinking really started and still I stayed because I loved him and who am I kidding I was drinking with him. Life became less technicolour and more of a faded blur and so we chased new highs. We started robbing places, I never really wanted to but he couldn't do it without me, without my little… problem to help us out.

You see, the thing is, I'm not quite normal. For as long as I can remember I've had the ability to freeze time for short periods, it's something that I have fought to keep hidden away from people and I had done it successfully not even my parents finding out until Terry got it out of me. The one plus side of all of this was that I could at least use my 'gift' to stop him hurting anyone, of course that sometimes backfired and I have been on the receiving end of his rage in this instance.

I sigh as I remember the day I left him, the way he had followed me everywhere, the phone calls, the threats, the gifts, it had got so bad I had had to leave. I packed my bags and said goodbye to my old life. I didn't have much left to be honest, he had taken away my friends and my family were long since gone. A car accident when I was fifteen had killed my parents and my younger sister, I had been alone ever since, perhaps that's how Terry had managed to manipulate me so easily. Anyway, I left, I found myself in New York and had managed to find myself a life to settle into. I had made friends, I had found a job as a waitress, the freezing time comes in handy when I drop stuff, which is a lot, and I had begun to heal, a tiny bit at least.

The party tonight had been one of the many celebrations of the recovery of Captain America, alive. Albeit slightly late, he had been found several months ago now and by all accounts could be seen occasionally wandering the city trying to get to grips with how the world had changed but clearly the people of New York, my friends in particular weren't going to let that get in their way of a good party. The whole evening had gone from bad to worse from the start, I felt ridiculous in the wartime outfit they had insisted I wear and it was scratchy as hell too. I was more of a skinny jeans and vest top kind of girl and this skirt was driving me insane. To make matters worse some creepy friend of a friend had latched on straight away and despite my obvious discomfort and knowing of my history, some of it at least, they seemed to think it was a good idea and encouraged him. Needless to say it didn't end well and I froze the whole party before grabbing my coat and running from the room. My head was spinning by the time I reach the corner of the road and I am panting for breath, I had used a lot of energy to freeze that many people for that long and it was almost enough to make my knees buckle as a sudden exhaustion washes over me but I take a steadying breath and pulling my coat around my shaking shoulders I begin my journey home.

It is as I enter the alley way a block or so from my tiny apartment that I realise there was someone following me. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts of the past that I hadn't been paying attention. I pause feeling for my energy and realising that I was almost out. I had about one more 'freeze' in me tonight and I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to run after either. By this point I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck begin to rise and I spin to see a face I had hoped I would never see again leering down at me.

"Hello Baby," he growls as he advances and I back up until my back hits the wall.

"Terry," I squeak, wincing at the fear in my voice, "what are you doing here? How did you...?" I trail off as his lip curls up in a sneer and another growl rumbles deep in his chest.

"You think it would be that easy to get away from me?" his laugh is a harsh bark and I fight the shudder that wants to roll through me as fear begins to make its way into my heart. My back is pressed into the wall and he is still moving closer, his body is by now completely pressed against mine and I feel a sudden wave of sickness as I realise that I was helpless against his hulking size, gift or no gift.

"What do you want Terry?" I ask, proud of how steady my voice is.

"I haven't finished with you," he says simply, a sadistic smile curling his lip ever so slightly which makes a fresh shudder roll through me.

"We're weren't good for each other Terry," I sigh and he laughs.

"Oh but we were baby, don't you remember the highs we got from stealing?"

"I hated it Terry, I was in a bad place, it was wrong…" I can't continue because his palm has made a sudden and jarring connection with the side of my face forcing a yelp of pain and shock from my throat as my cheek stung.

"Lying whore, you loved it as much as I did," he spits and I shake my head, tears pooling in my eyes as I try not to panic, moving my arms before another blow, this time from his fist has me on the ground and suddenly he is lying on top of me, my wrists held in a vice like grip in one of his hands. "Ah, ah, ah, I'm not having you use your little, 'power' on me,"

"Let go of me," I stutter panic beginning to seep into my veins now as he presses into me.

"No, I need your 'power' to help pull off a bank job but first I think a punishment to make sure you realise it's not up to you when you and I part ways," he growls and I scream, no more than a choked sound erupting from my lips before his fists begin to pound at me.

I am screaming and struggling and still the beating continues until I think I might die and then two things happen very suddenly; I decide that I would not give in to him and so raise my hands and concentrate my energy on freezing him and at the same time I hear a male voice calling out. I struggle out from underneath him and stand shakily facing a man dressed in black who is looking at Terry in utter confusion.

"What the…?" he begins but I stagger forwards and interrupt him.

"It won't last long we have to hurry or…" an angry snarl from behind me stops me in my tracks as I hand grabs my hair and yanks me backwards throwing me into the wall where I slump down to the ground a whimper of pain escaping me as my legs are no longer able to hold me up and the two men in the alley way become no more than blurry shapes.

"Hey kid, you okay? Can you hear me?" the voice is gruff and hard and I flinched away from it as I force open my eyes and see the man staring back at me. I gaze around for a few seconds to assess the situation, Terry was gone and this man, the one who had shouted, was crouching in front of me and God, I hurt all over. I groan a little as I try to move and he moves to help me which makes me flinch again. "I'm not going to hurt you," he mutters and I try to speak but everything is going hazy again and so I concentrate on breathing instead.

"Who are you?" I rasp out eventually,

"Clint," he replies and I nod a tiny amount stopping as the action causes pain to pulse through me.

"Thanks for helping me, I'll be okay now," I whisper and he chuckles a little shaking his head.

"Kid you can barely move, no offence, I think I'll stick around and make sure you get to help," I feel fresh panic fill me at this and move back further into the wall.

"No hospitals," I say in a rush and he immediately holds up his hands as if to show that he means no harm and as I stare into his eyes it is the hint of kindness that I see behind the hard façade that makes me relax a little.

"How about I take you to someone to fix you up then?" he suggests and I wheeze another laugh, I think I may have bruised several ribs.

"No offence Clint but I survive by not heading off into the night with strangers," I say and he lets out a low chuckle too.

"It's a government facility," he says now which only makes me frown more, my head beginning to pound more and more painfully.

"Even worse," I mutter and he grunts a little,

"Cos of what you can do?" he asks and I glance up at him feeling my eyes widen slightly in fear and so nod a little when I realise that I could not hide it from him, I was completely at his mercy.

"Yes," I whisper and he smiles a little.

"You're gonna have to trust me kid," he says after a minute and I sigh as I nod again.

"I know," I respond, "Help me up then," I say and he does and I try my best not scream as the pain radiates around me but a small whimper escapes and he hesitates as he supports me.

"Maybe I should carry you?" he suggests and I stiffen instinctively, I hated feeling helpless, especially since escaping Terry.

"No," I say a little too quickly and he shoots me a bemused look and so I try to think of something to try and diffuse the tension that was growing in an already awkward situation. "I mean… I'll be fine, just distract me,"

"How?" he asks and I attempt a shrug, only to hiss again as it pulls on my bruised ribs.

"I don't know, talk to me," I reply and he nods falling silent for a couple of minutes as we make our way slowly through the shadows.

"What's your name?" he asks eventually and I smile a little as I realise that he had just saved my life and was trying to continue to save me without even knowing that.

"Addison," I say,  
"What you doing in New York Addison?"

"Trying to escape… apparently not very successfully," I reply and he nods.

"You knew him then?" he asks and I nod now appreciating the fact that he appears not to be pushing the topic.

"Why are you not scared of me?" I ask after we have been walking, well struggling and hobbling along for some time in silence and even I have become fed up of hearing my panting, gasping breaths.

"Why would I be scared of you? No offence kid but you are hardly a threat are you, you can barely bloody walk," he laughs and I frown a little at him.

"But you saw…" I start trailing off as I struggle to talk about my ability with anyone.

"What you did? Yeah I saw but I work for Shield, you're hardly the scariest or strangest I've seen," I freeze as he says this and he stops to, taking the moment to adjust his hold on me as I had been steadily leaning more heavily on him as the shock wore off and the pain set in more intensely.

"Shield? As in the place Captain America works?" I ask and he huffs out a chuckle.

"Might have known I rescue a woman and all she can talk about is bloody Captain America,"

"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant… I'm not sure I should go…" I trail off again, partly because I didn't really know how to finish and could feel myself flushing with embarrassment but also partly because the pain had just increased again and I was fighting to move and stay conscious let alone speak too.

"Hey, kid you alright?" he asks as I feel my legs buckle slightly and lean even more heavily on him my breath coming in short and painful pants.

"Mmm, fine," I slur, cringing as another whimper of pain escapes me.

"Come here kid," he mutters as he pulls me up into his arms and begins to walk more quickly even as I struggle weakly against him.

"I can walk, please," I mumble and he just grunts at me in response.

"We'll take until next week to get there at the pace we were going," he mutters as he picks up his pace.

By the time I hear doors opening and the change in temperature to indicate that we were inside I was very nearly asleep and chose to keep my eyes closed to avoid any difficult questions, very carefully evening out my breathing to feign sleep. I had got very good at that living with Terry, I never slept much when I was with him, the drink, the threats, the stealing, they gave me terrible nightmares and so I learnt how to pretend to sleep, he hated being woken by my screaming.

"Clint what's going on?" the voice is deep and I can hear the concern in it even with my eyes closed and a strange warmth fills me almost making me shudder for entirely different reasons than before.

"Just rescuing a damsel in distress," he replies and I fight not to snort at this and scowl at him, it really is a good thing I am so good at the whole pretending to be asleep thing.

"Right… and why have you brought her here exactly? Couldn't just have dropped her off at the hospital around the corner?" another voice asks and the sarcasm and tone is something I recognise but I can't place who it is.

"She's… different," he says in way of reply and I nearly choke and laugh out loud at the wolf whistles that resonate around us immediately.

"Well I wouldn't have pegged you for the type," a female voice now says and I can feel his fingers flexing as if he is trying to ball his hands into fists even as he holds me.

"Not like _that_ you idiots, she has… power, some sort of gift," he explains and I do tense now shifting as my eyes open and in panic I struggle out of his arms as they loosen and drop me in shock of my sudden movement.

"Please…" I start looking desperately for an escape as I see the group tense in front of me. They are all there, Captain America, Tony Stark, Thor and the Black Widow. I had heard of them all obviously, seen pictures and press releases of them all but never seen them all together, I never knew they worked together and seeing them all here taking up a stance as if ready to attack terrified me and I was desperate to escape.

"Addison, kid, hold up we're not going to hurt you," Clint says approaching me as he would a wounded animal, which I guess I was in a way. I back up as he gets nearer hissing in pain as my back hits the wall, jarring my ribs in a way that made it hard to breathe at all for a second. It's in that second that someone reaches out to touch me and I panic completely as images of Terry flash before my eyes and throwing my hands out I freeze them all. It takes another second for me to stare in shock at their faces and then to spin as I hear clapping behind me a harsh gasp of pain mixed with panic ripped from me as a man with an eyepatch on stands behind me an intimidating smile plastered across his face.

"What the…?" I hear them exclaim from behind me and I spin again to see their shocked faces and my legs buckle sending me to the floor, exhaustion and pain pulsing through me.  
"Please…" I whisper again as I see Captain America crouch in front of me, Clint close behind him.

"What is it?" he asks his voice so gentle and soft, so opposite to Terry that it made my heart ache.

"Please, don't hurt me," I say feeling my face flush with embarrassment as tears well in my eyes.

"It's alright kid you're safe here," Clint says and then they all look to the man with the eye patch and I hold my breath as I wait for his verdict, he is clearly the man in charge here.

"Take her to the infirmary," he says and I still feel the tension.

"Just let me go," I say now and he laughs,

"I don't think so Miss Willcox," he says and I flinch and push myself backwards, unconsciously moving into the man crouching beside me.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask, fear temporarily washing away my tiredness.

"We've been looking for you for some time, ever since that bank in London last year," he says instead of answering my question and I flinch visibly again feeling my limbs begin to shake with the strain of remaining strong and conscious in front of these strangers.

"You're going to put me in prison," I guess and he laughs again shaking his head and I gulp, my shaking getting worse.

"For God's sake Fury put the poor kid out of her misery," Tony Stark comments lazily and I gasp now spinning to face them and scrambling to my feet using the wall to keep me upright as my legs tremble and I sway dangerously.

'Please don't kill me, I didn't mean to do those things, he made me, I tried to stop him hurting anyone, I tried to save them," I gasp out in a panicked rush and for a second he looks almost confused before his smile slips and he becomes more serious.

"I'm not going to kill you Miss Willcox, I'm recruiting you," he explains and my legs give way beneath me again at this point a cry of pain erupting from me as I am caught around the waist by strong arms.

"The infirmary Captain, get her patched up and rested," the voice is becoming fuzzy as are the people around me, things are starting to become blurry shapes and yet the inner me is still trying to push him away as he tries to lift me.

"I can walk," I manage to slur forcing my eyes open again and taking a shuddering breath as I try to step forwards, hardly able to make my legs work at all.

"Just pick her up Cap, she's too stubborn, doesn't like being rescued this one," I hear Clint say and I grunt at him which makes people laugh, at least I think they're laughing, only things are getting muffled now.

"I think she'll fit in fine," I hear someone say and then the world seems to tilt upside down and blackness descends upon me like a curtain.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up it takes me a few minutes to get my bearings and work out where I am before I begin panicking just a bit and sit up quickly hissing slightly at the pain it causes in my ribs.

"Hey calm down Ma'am, you're safe here," a voice suddenly says softly and I spin so quickly to locate it that my neck cricks and I find myself gasping again to see the handsome super soldier's face so close to mine. I really hope that this whole gasping and passing out and being rescued thing didn't become a regular occurrence, luckily he seems just as flustered as he blushes and mumbles something before pulling back.

"What's going to happen to me?" I ask after we have sat in silence for some time and he smiles a little as if to reassure me.

"No one is going to hurt you Ma'am, but Shield, well, they want you to work with us," he explains and I blanche a little at the idea feeling the blood rush from my face as I stare up at him and I must look pretty shocked because he moves closer again almost subconsciously his hands twitching slightly as if he doesn't know how to comfort me.

"I don't understand what do you mean with you? For the government?" I ask weakly after a moment and he chuckles a little.

"Not exactly, with us… the Avengers," he explains and I stare at him blankly as he watches me almost hopefully, I think he is expecting me to have clocked on to something by now but I was still absolutely clueless.

"I still don't understand I'm sorry," I mumble, my cheeks flushing, "what is the Avengers, I mean who are the Avengers?" I ask my hands twisting in the sheets until he stills them with his own. His hand warm and secure as it seems to swallow mine so easily. I look up at him startled and he pulls away seeming startled himself that he had done that.

"We are the Avengers, Me, Stark, Clint, Nat and Thor and a couple of others, it's a new initiative that Fury is trying to put together he wants you to be a part of it," it's my turn to laugh at this.

"That's ridiculous," I manage at last my laughing having turned to a wheezing cough that turned into a gasp as I tried to ease the pain in my ribs and chest.

"Why?" he asks once I have calmed down and am able to breathe again and I look up at him, frowning in confusion.

"You're super heroes, all of you, you're strong and brave and gifted, what could I do to help?"

"You have gifts too, you can…" he pauses for a second and I fill in for him,

"I can freeze time for short periods, but I am not brave or a hero, I am no more than a criminal really," I whisper staring fixedly at my hands humiliation and shame flooding my face as I admit this to the selfless man in front of me.

"I don't think that's true, Director Fury has spoken a little of your past and I think you have the makings of a great Avenger, we have all done things we are ashamed of, some more than others and I think that for all of us this, the Avengers, it's like our penance," he says and I look up at him.

"I don't believe you have ever done anything bad," I whisper and he smiles sadly at me and the look in his eyes almost breaks my heart.

"Get some rest Ma'am," he says softly moving towards the door, "training will start as soon as you are healed,"

"My name is Addison, please call me by my name," I say quietly and he nods offering me a small smile.

"See you in training, Addison," and then he is gone and the silence soon sends me back to sleep.

It's a further three days before I am up and about and ready to begin training and as I pull on the black leotard type of costume that has been provided for me I can't help but feel both ridiculous and bad ass at the same time. I don't really understand why I have to wear it but apparently it is important for me to get used to the feel of it which I guess sort of makes sense. A knock on the door startles me and I turn to see Natasha standing there grinning a little at me.

"Ready?" she asks and I nod at her and move to follow her, "I won't take it easy on you but you have to promise me the same," she says as we walk and I furrow my brow in confusion.

"I'm sorry, I… I don't understand," I answer after a while, flushing slightly in embarrassment at having to ask her to explain herself.

"The men around here, they're, well pretty bloody misogynistic if you ask me really," she begins which makes me laugh, "what I mean is, they do go easy all the bloody time, too afraid to hurt me and they'll be the same with you, never mind the fact that I'm a fucking spy and a good one at that, the best," he finishes half smiling half growling at the injustice.

"I guess, I guess the Captain is from a different time," I say quietly and she smirks again.

"Don't tell me you've got a thing for a resident war hero already?" she questions and I blanche as I begin to deny it, watching as she simply raises an eyebrow at me still smirking. "Just be careful with that one, he's got some baggage," she says simply and I can feel myself blushing to the roots of my ice blonde hair.

"I think I'll get rid of my own baggage before I even look at another man," I say pointedly looking away from her.

"Not sure we can ever do that, it stays with us," she says in almost a whisper and as we get out of the lift and I feel like we have somehow bonded. It is a strange feeling, we had no more knowledge of one another than our short conversation and the fact that we were the only two women that were part of the Avengers, and yet I felt like I could trust her now and I had a feeling she felt the same way. It was nice, to have someone I could trust that wasn't a hulking mass of gorgeous muscle that made me weak at the knees and nervous and vulnerable all at the same time.

Over the next two months I settle in to a new way of living, every day I get up at 5am and putting on my work out gear I jog the twenty minutes to Shield where I change into my weird, black spy outfit and spend the next five or six hours training. I have been taught to fight, really fight and I am stronger than I have ever been. Natasha has also been teaching me how to collect information undercover, being on my own for most of my life had meant that I had at least perfected how to lie and cheat my way out of things, not that this was a skill I was particularly proud of, or wanted to talk about. For some reason the idea of Steve knowing how bad I was, the things I had really done, it made my stomach churn.

"You need me to walk you home Addi?" speak of the devil and he shall appear I think to myself with a little smile as I fling my bag over my back and turn to face him.

"Like I tell you every day Steve, I'll be fine," I say with a smirk and he just smiles more widely,

"Then I'll tell you the same as every other day too, I insist," and with that he links my hand through his arm and we head off down the road.

We walk in companionable silence for ten minutes and I use the time to think about how I had got here. How I had managed to get this lucky. A year ago I was trapped in a terrible relationship being made to do terrible things, six months ago I escaped and was just finding my feet but was still terrified of everything and now… I sigh as I think about how much I had gained in such a short amount of time.

"What's on your mind Addi?" he asks and I glance up at him smiling slightly.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have found you all," I say and he chuckles lightly.

"Most people wouldn't think that working for shield and being at constant risk," he says looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"I guess it depends where they came from, in my eyes this is very lucky," I smile and he becomes more serious, stiffening slightly in his stance as we walk.

"I'm sorry you've had to… suffer," he says quietly and I laugh a little although there is little mirth in it.

"It's okay, it's not your fault and besides you have suffered far more than I ever have and you're still here saving the world," I say quietly knowing that his super hearing could pick up my words.

"Even so I… do not like the idea of you in pain," I can feel my face flushing violently at his words and am only mollified slightly by the blush I see staining his own cheeks as I glance up at him.

"Thanks," I whisper after a while, "for walking me home every night that is," I add with a gulp and he smiles and nods, releasing my arm as we arrive at my front door, smiling he does the funny little bow he does every night before heading off down the stairs while I turn to open my front door.

Stepping over the threshold I notice something wrong immediately. Maybe it's just instinct or maybe it's all my training, either way something is wrong and I am on red alert immediately as I reach for the light switch. Flicking it on I see the apartment in disarray, everything has been destroyed and ripped apart, I gasp a little as I step further into my little living room, my hands covering my mouth. Even the cushions had been shredded, there was absolutely nothing left. It is as I move to pick up one of the cushions that I see it. A little light flashing and so crouching I lean forward to get a better look before screaming and stumbling backwards as I come face to face with a bomb. Without even thinking a combination of my training and plain survival instinct kick in and I throw my hands up pouring more energy than I probably should have into freezing the room for as long as possible and then I run pulling the door shut behind me. I manage to get to the end of the corridor before the explosion rocks through the building sending me flying into the wall and down a flight of stairs. Groaning I shift to try and sit up, my ears ringing and my vision blurry, it takes a few seconds for things to come back into focus and for me to struggle to my feet.

"ADDI," the yell is panicked and loud even through my ringing ears and for a second I can't work out who it is.

"I'm down here," I wheeze, looking up and realising that the ceilings had caved in and I was essentially trapped at the bottom of a now raging inferno. The heat is picking up as I hear the shouts continue and for the first time, real panic begins to set in as I realise that I could die here. I needed to think, and quickly! Think, Dammit Addison, what has your training taught you. Glancing around I see that some of the stairs were still intact and debris and broken floorboards could be used as a ladder of sorts. I had to get up the next floor, I could get out from there and if I stayed here I would be cooked pretty soon which was hardly desirable. My exhausted limbs are barely working at this point, one thing no amount of training or research or practise had managed to do was work out why I became so exhausted when I used my power or how to cure it, but still, taking a deep breath I cling to the first rung and then swing across to grab at a broken piece of board embedded in the wall. Thank God I had trained so hard, I would never have been able to do this two months ago. It takes me a few minutes but I manage to struggle to the top where I pull myself over and collapse to the floor, unable to move, the smoke choking me as I struggle to breath.

"ADDI," the same voice shouts again and this time I hear it clearly and recognise it instantly.

"Steve," I try to call back to him but breathing is beginning to become more difficult now.

"Cap I've got her, first floor," another voice says, "easy kid we've got you,"

"Clint," I gasp out as I roll onto my back, "I climbed up," I say and he smiles as I feel more than see Steve crouch on my other side, "I climbed up from down there… someone tried to kill me," I add before the black spots that had been dancing at the edge of my vision grow bigger and the fuzziness stronger before everything fades into dark silence.


	3. Chapter 3

Coming to I am aware of a presence beside me and I groggily turn to see Steve sitting in a chair beside my bed.

"Where am I?" I ask, my throat feeling sore and tight and my voice rough and hoarse.

"My apartment," he replies smiling at me and getting up to pass me a glass of water.

"Oh…" I pause for a while not sure what to say, "my apartments gone isn't it?" he nods and I sigh a little, "along with everything I own, guess it really is a fresh start now,"

"Fury wants us in when you're feeling better," he says quietly and I nod moving to sit up only for him to stop me with a gentle hand to my shoulder, "we have a few hours yet, it is still the middle of the night Addi, rest okay we'll go in the morning," he says with a smile and although I know there is something else he is not telling me I nod and lay back down because he looks exhausted and I don't want to cause him any more trouble.

By the time morning came around however I could no longer take the tense silence and the worry in his eyes.

"What is it you're not telling me?" I burst out as we sit at the table in his kitchen and he fixes me breakfast.

"I don't know what you mean," he answers a little too quickly,

"Steve, please," I plead standing up and making him face me, "we may not have known each other long but I would like to think we were friends and you are a terrible liar, I can see it in your eyes," I finish and he sighs heavily sitting down and pulling me into the chair opposite him.

"I didn't want you to panic or do anything rash," he says and panic automatically begins to build in my chest as it is so apt to do whenever you are told not to panic.

'What is it Steve, you're scaring me?" I say quietly, now fighting to keep my voice steady.

"Last night… something happened and… well an enemy made their play against our world and…"

"Spit it out Steve," I say desperately, cringing at the slightly shrill tone in my voice,

"Clint was taken," he says eventually and I tense completely.

"What do you mean taken? How could anyone take him, he's one of the best soldiers there is?" I say my voice becoming even higher unable to concentrate on anything other than the blood pumping loudly in my ears.

"The enemy has some kind of mind control and is controlling him," he explains and I hang my head a little in fear and confusion.

"We have to go," I say eventually looking up at him in determination, "quick we have to find them," I add when he doesn't show any signs of moving.

"We'll have breakfast and then go to Fury we have to have energy," he says quietly,

"We don't have time, they can't have got too far…"  
"They have a three day head start Addi," he cuts in and I look up at him in utter confusion.

"I don't understand, they can't have, Clint was there last night, at my apartment," I say and he shakes his head, his hands rubbing over his face in a combination of frustration and weariness.

"That was four nights ago Addi, you've been sedated to aid your recovery," he explains and it is my turn to rub my hands across my face a little and sit down heavily in shock, barely registering him crouching in front of me in concern, his hands reaching for mine and stilling their frantic movements, movements I hadn't noticed I was making until he stilled them.

"It is going to be okay isn't it?" I ask and he smiles at me, albeit a little weakly.

"Course it will Addi, how could it not be with the Avengers on the case," I offer him my own weak smile in reply to this and reluctantly agree to finish breakfast before we head off to meet Fury.

Stepping off the plane and onto the strange and huge ship I breathe a sigh of relief, it had been all I could do to hold in the laughter as agent Coulson seemed to flirt with Steve. The smile is still on my face as I turn and see Natasha approaching us with another man and the smile falters a little.

"Nat," I say and she nods, her look suggesting that we would talk properly later so I nod back before looking at the other man.

"You must be Dr Banner," Steve says, holding out his hand to the man, who shakes it offering a grim smile.

"Captain," he greets before turning to me,

"This is Addison, I was telling you about her earlier," Natasha says and he smiles again as he shakes my hand.

"Pleased to meet you Addison,"

"You too Dr Banner, I've heard a lot about you," I say with a smile as I study the man, it was true I had read a lot about him and how he 'hulked' out, the whole world had. His face turns darker immediately and I feel guilty for bringing up a subject he is obviously touchy about. "I've always wanted to be as clever as you are but science just wasn't my thing, even when I froze time in my exams to try and cheat I copied down the wrong answers," I add trying to dissipate the tension.

"Guy's I'd come inside if I were you," Nat says from behind us as a siren begins blaring and everything becomes suddenly very busy.

"Is it a submarine?" Steve asks as he and Dr Banner walk to the edge of the ship, not a massive fan of the open ocean I stay where I am watching the movement around me.

"They want me in a ship trapped underwater?" Dr Banner says sarcastically as he too watches whatever is happening over the side of the ship, "Oh no this is much worse," he sighs before moving in the same direction as Nat.

"Come on Addi, quickly," Steve says from my side and I glance up at him startled at his sudden appearance having not heard him approach,

"What is it?" I ask,

"We're about to take flight and I don't want to lose you over the edge of this thing," he smiles and takes my gently by the elbow to frag me inside while I concentrate on stilling the butterflies in my stomach, which I think must be due to the news that we would soon be flying.

"Agent Romanoff, could you show Dr Banner to his lab," Fury is saying as I walk through with Steve, who I notice hands Fury a bank note and Nat winks at me causing me to flush as she leads Dr Banner away,

"You're going to love it Dr Banner it has all the toys," she is saying and I roll my eyes at her flirty tone, smiling as I turn back to Fury and Steve.

"So what do we do now?" Steve asks and I listen as Fury explains how Bruce would try to locate the tesseract and then we would go and get it and bring back Loki too, who is apparently Thor's brother but not a very nice person. If you ask me it all sounds far too simple but then no one is asking me and so I just sit quietly and so as I am told, for once.

I am sitting in my room, we have rooms on this thing it's insane, I feel like I've walked into an episode of Star Trek or something, I mean I knew that they had amazing technical equipment, anything to do with Tony Stark did, I had known since before I had joined Shield but this was just crazy.

"Addi, you in there?" Steve's voice floats through to me and I jump up to answer the door stepping back slightly as he stands in the doorway in his uniform, something that always makes my heart beat a little faster.

"We're leaving, how soon? Let me go get my suit on," I say in a rush moving to get past him but he blocks my exit and gently takes my upper arms in his strong hands.

"No, Addi, you're staying," he says and I stare at him for a couple of seconds in utter shock,

"What do you mean?" I ask after a second, when my voice had come back.

"You're still recovering Addi," he says and I shake my head at him,

"I'm fine," I insist and it his turn to shake his head before trying a new tack.

"I need to know you are safe here so I can concentrate on my mission," and I push him away as sudden anger pulses through me.

"I'm a trained agent Steve, since when did you have to worry about me?" I almost yell at him and he stands steadfast and unmoving in the doorway.

"You are my friend Addi, of course I worry," he replies and I ignore the hurt in his voice as he says this, too angry to care.

"So what's your big plan? Keep me locked up so that I can never actually go in the field to do anything?" I say as I begin pacing.

"You don't what you are saying, it is dangerous out there and frightening you would not be so keen if you had seen it," he growls as he loses his own temper.

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm scared?"

"Then why are you so desperate to come with us?" he exclaims and I stop pacing as I spin to face him.

"Because it doesn't matter if I am scared does it, it has never mattered, what matters is helping," we are both breathing heavily and a thick tension is between us as I finish speaking and for a brief second I think that maybe I have done enough to change his mind.

"Fury has given the order, you are to stay here," he says after another moment and then he is gone and I am throwing a book at the door before sitting down heavily and trying to will away the hot, angry tears that are desperate to fall. I know I should be flattered that he wants to protect me, after all it had never happened before but in reality it just really pissed me off. I wasn't some helpless little damsel in distress, I had the power to freeze time for fucks sake! And I was trained, by the best assassins in the world, I could literally kill people with my bare hands now, not that I wanted to, but that's besides the point, I mean just a few days ago someone tried to blow me up and I crawled and climbed my way most of the way out of a collapsed and burning apartment block. I growl as I throw myself back onto the mattress and eventually fall into an angry sleep.

"Ah, mini time lord, I've missed you," Tony exclaims as I walk into a lab of some sort and I smile despite my lingering anger at being left behind as he engulfs me in an overly affectionate hug which I know he is mostly doing to wind up Steve as he whispers this much in my ear, I'm just not entirely sure why it wind him up. My attention is drawn away from this musing by the God standing before me. No I mean literally he is a God, Thor was standing in front of me and he was, breath taking! Although as I glance at Steve I am struck by the realisation that he is just as breath taking and so much… more than that too, but now was really not the time to be thinking about that. Especially when I was so angry with him. Two days I had been stuck here and it had only added to my frustration and worry for them too. I decided very quickly that I hated waiting, it was the worst thing in the world, not knowing whether they were safe, not being there. Bruce had done his best to keep me occupied and I had quickly decided that I liked him a lot and appointed him as the father figure in my strange little family tree I had going on in my head.

"That is a strange name," Thor muses and I laugh even as I feel my face flush,

"Oh that's not my name, I'm Addison," I stutter, glaring at Natasha as she smirks at us.

"Then why does Stark call you time lord?" he asks furrowing his brow.

"I can freeze time for short periods," I explain and can't help feeling proud as he looks mildly impressed before flushing again as I turn to see Steve smiling fondly at me. Scowling at him a little I move further away trying to ignore the hurt that flashes across his face at this action but I am still too angry with him.

"So what do we do now?" Steve asks for the second time in as many days, and, for the second time I listen as Fury explains how they were going to interrogate Loki and find the Tesseract and I can't help thinking that this had all been far too easy but seeing as they clearly were not going to take me seriously at all I just stayed quiet and listened. Keeping my distance as the testosterone levels get too high and the bickering breaks out, I turn to speak to Nat at this point before remembering that she is interrogating Loki and so sighing I wander towards the windows.

"Incoming," I hear the yell and spin to face the others just as the explosion hits and I am thrown off my feet and across the deck, landing heavily on my side. Grunting I pick myself up quickly and come face to face with Clint, only it's not him at all, not really, his eyes are… he lifts his bow and I only just manage to deflect his aim moving to bring him down but he is too quick and has shot an arrow into the controls to disable the ship and then with another glancing blow across my face he is gone.

"Addi," I look up to see Steve and shake my head.

"Fine, go," I yell to him, before I run to put my suit on and join the fight.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time I have changed and got my ear com in I can hear them all yelling various things to each other.

"Where do you want me?" I say, holding my breath as I pray that they aren't going to try to make me lock myself in a room and wait for them to rescue me.

"Third floor, Clint," Nat yells back,

"On it," I reply before the others can comment.

"Addi," Steve's voice crackles as I run and I can tell he is fighting, I can hear it.

"Bit busy here," I reply as I find Clint, or rather he finds me, if the arrow embedded in the wall an inch from my face is anything to go by.

"Be careful okay," he says after a moment,

"You too Steve," I reply before ducking quickly and sweeping Clint's legs, feeling quite proud of myself for bringing him down until a pain in my stomach causes me to double over as he kicks me.

Our fight is viscous and seems to last forever. I was kidding myself when I was arguing with Steve, I may have thought I was ready but Clint had trained me, he was better and I had a horrible feeling I was about to die and it made my heart for several reasons, but mostly because when they managed to bring Clint back he would be horrified at what he had done. We had grown close since he rescued me and had become the overprotective older brother I had never had. The thought of hurting him, in any way made tears well in my eyes, which is most inconvenient as I am currently trying to fight. Another well aimed kick to my face this time has me sprawled across the floor pain rocketing through me as I try to get some kind of foothold and get up. A growl behind me makes me turn onto my back and I see him over me with his knife and I do the only thing I can, I freeze him and a second later he slumps over me unconscious and a very rattled looking Natasha is standing behind him holding a piece of debris in her hands.

"Thanks," I murmur after a moment not knowing what to say and she nods her mouth stretched into a grim and determined line.

"No problem although I'm sure you had it under control, we need to get him into medical and strapped down before he wakes up," she says and so I struggle up and despite the pain in my face and head and the tiredness that was making my limbs weak I help her drag him into the medical bay and strap him down.

"Coulson is down," Fury's voice seems to echo over the ear coms and for a moment everything becomes a lot more real. I had known of course that it was a real battle, I had felt the fear and pain but until now I could almost imagine it was like it was before, back in London with Terry, but now… This was all too real!

"I have to find the others," I say in a whisper after a moment of heavy silence, a sudden and gut wrenching fear that the others, that Steve would be hurt too.

"He'll be fine Addi," she whispers still staring down at Clint and I pause in the doorway,

"I know he will, Clint's strong," I reply and she looks up at me for the first time since we had strapped him down to the bed.

"I meant Steve," she says and I blanche a little as I stare back at her.

"Why… I don't know… What?" I splutter and she almost smiles as she shakes her head a little turning back to Clint.

"You will, you both will soon I hope," is all she says and then the door is closed and I am leaning against it, barely feeling the pain in my face anymore as confusion instead becomes the main emotion flowing through my veins for a moment. It's true that Steve was the only one of the Avengers that I had not been able to place in the family tree I had formed in my head. Bruce was the father, Clint and Tony my brothers, one annoying but protective when it came down to it the other just incredibly over protective, Nat was the sister I had always wanted, both sharing and kind and protective and pushy. Even Fury had taken his place as slightly creepy and irritating Uncle and Thor had become a cousin of sorts but Steve, I had never worked out how I felt, where he fitted and I assumed it meant we were friends but could it… No! That would be ridiculous, I was still recovering from what Terry had done to me and he was out of his time and still in love with the woman Peggy, he had always loved her, he would always love her, there was no place for me as anything other than a friend.

Taking a deep breath, I hiss a little at the pain the movement causes in my face and, pushing off the wall, I begin to make my way down the corridor, eventually finding the meeting room where Steve and Tony were sitting Fury standing in front of them. Steve is holding some cards in his hands, blood spattered cards that I recognise as the ones agent Coulson had asked Steve to sign and I a little hitching gasp escapes my throat at the look of sadness and regret in Steve's face. He is on his feet in an instant standing over me, his eyes examining me carefully and I have to look away from the intensity in his eyes as he takes in my face.

"Agent Wilcox, Barton and Romanoff?" Fury questions and I sit silently in a seat, tugging Steve down with me trying not to think too much about his close proximity or the confusing feelings that were currently free flowing through my system, I think it must just be the adrenaline, yes, that's what it is!

"Clint is unconscious and Nat is with him, she thinks the hit he took will be enough to bring him back," I say quietly and he nods, "where are the others?" I ask after a moment and they all hang their heads a little.

"Loki has succeeded in scattering us, Thor, Banner they're both god knows where," Steve says and I instinctively grab his hand to other him comfort, letting it go quickly when sparks seem to dance across my skin, I think maybe I hit my head harder than I thought.

"What do we do now then?" I ask trying to sound hopeful in the face of this epic setback.

"We figure out Loki's next move," Fury says simply and for a while we all sit in silence trying to think, trying to comprehend what had happened, what was going to happen.

"He won't be satisfied, he means not to just separate us but to destroy us," Steve says after a while and I look up at him gulping,

"He'll want an audience for that," I comment in a whisper and it is Steve's turn to grab at my hand now and he doesn't let go as he squeezes it trying to offer me some comfort.

"Stark tower," Tony says in a half whisper after another moment and a fraction of second later we are all on our feet.

"Prepare yourselves and suit up, all of you, we'll be in New York within the next five hours," Fury says striding out and I suddenly sit again, feeling as if my legs may give way if I don't.

"Addi…"

"I'm fine," I say before he can finish even as he crouches in front of me taking my small hands in his much larger ones, an action which was beginning to become an all to familiar and comforting one.

"Your face," he sighs as I stand, his fingers tracing the marks that must be appearing and he is standing impossibly close to me now, I was finding it hard to breath actually as his fingers continue to ghost across my face sending sparks of electricity throughout my entire bodyas he does so.

"It's not so bad, I've had much worse," I say, only half lying and I instantly regret it as he tenses all over.

"I hate that you have been hurt," he whispers,

"We have all been hurt Steve but you saved me," I say flushing as I realise the connotations of my words, "you all did, the Avengers I mean, you saved me and gave me a new life and a family,"

"When will you tell me the truth about your past Addi?" he asks now his voice still so quiet and gentle that if he wasn't standing so close to me I wouldn't hear it at all.

"Another time, now… we must concentrate on the mission at hand," I say gazing up at him, for the first time wanting to tell him everything.

"I don't…"

"Let's not argue again, please Steve, I need to know you support me, I… I can't go out there and fight if you are angry with me," I interrupt him and I watch the battle in his eyes as he works out what to say before he growls a little and pulls me suddenly into a very tight hug.

"I'll always be on your side Addi, you're my best friend," he whispers into my hair and despite myself I can feel my heart sink a little, not that I was expecting him to profess his undying love for me or anything but it was a little gutting to know he saw me as no more than a friend.

"Come on then Cap, let's get to it," I say plastering a fake smile across my face and moving out of his intoxicating presence slightly. Nat and Clint are standing in the doorway as I turn towards it smirking and I feel myself flush as tears gather in my eyes and so I shake my head a tiny bit at them and just about see them begin to frown before I push past them and head to my room to change into a fresher outfit and clean the cuts on my face a little.


	5. Chapter 5

"Addi, can I come in," Nat's voice is soft as if trying to avoid being heard by anyone and I grunt in response knowing that she would slip through the door anyway.

"We there?" I ask as I sit on my bed and try to wrap a bandage around my arm to stem the flow of blood and ease the pain before I marched into my next battle.

"Not quite," she replies sitting down and taking the bandage from me to finish the job, "what happened Addi, with you and Steve?" she says after a while and I flinch a little.

"Nothing," I say quietly pulling away as she raises her eyebrow at me. "You were wrong Nat he… it's nothing," I add and she sighs as she moves to lean against the wall pulling her legs up to her chest before slowly turning her head so that she is staring at me, that hard, spy stare which is as unnerving as it is penetrating.

"I thought you didn't like him like that?"

"I never said… I don't," I stutter becoming flustered as I turn away from her.

"It's obvious Addi, if not to everyone it is to me and to Clint, we see it," she says,

"I don't know what you're talking about," I snap and she laughs at this although I don't hear too much humour in it.

"Quit bullshitting Addi,"

"I'm not,"

"Then admit it," she is back on her feet now and standing in front of me just as intimidating as any of the male Avengers in her stance, she may have trained me well but she could kill me easily if she wanted and despite the fact that I know I can trust her those lingering feelings of doubt, memories of Terry, they're not that easy to get rid of and seeming to realise that she backs of as I sink to the floor. "You can trust us you know?"

"I know I can but…"

"It's not that easy, I know, trust me, the things that have happened, your past, it's not going to leave you Addi, especially if you don't talk about it, you're a better person than me and you have more of a chance, I don't want to see you going the same way," she says quietly now as she slowly copies my exact movements and sits beside me.

"You're a good person Nat," I answer glancing at her and she smiles sadly as she shakes her head.

"I've got red in my ledger, too much to get rid of I think,"

"You think I don't?" I question and she raises her eyebrow at me again in that way that says, 'I know what you're thinking so don't even bother because you're wrong', and so I stop myself from saying any more.

"You need to talk to him," she says now I don't need to ask who the 'he' is she is referring too.

"I tried that, he thanked me for being a good friend, after a massive argument," I huff burying my head in my hands.

"For someone who says you don't care…" she says now and I don't need to look at her to know that she is smirking at me.

"I tried so hard not to," I admit at last,

"But you were powerless against the hunk of muscle and goodness that is our Captain," she laughs and I shoot her a pained glance before burying my head again.

"It's not funny Nat,"

"I don't really see what the big problem is," she comments now stretching her legs out in front of her and picking at a loose thread on her trousers.

"The 'big' problem is that he is Captain fucking America, everything about him is perfect and good and beautiful and I am just some messed up, broken little freak…"

"Stop talking about yourself like that," Nat snaps at me suddenly and my steam runs out suddenly as tears pool in my eyes which I concentrate on blinking away.

"It doesn't even matter he told me today I was his best friend, he doesn't see me as anything else and that's fine I'll get used to it," I sigh and she shakes her head.

"I wouldn't count on…"

"Please Nat, don't make it any more difficult, you have to let me do this my way, please," I say and she sighs heavily, so heavily it is almost a growl but before she can say anything else the announcement comes that we are ready to go and so jumping up and putting our ear coms in we head to the door.

"Just be careful out there Addi," she whispers pulling me into a hug and I smile at her,

"You too," I reply and turning we walk towards the quinjet.

Staring around me at the buildings around me I take a moment to try and comprehend how I had got here. Everything had changed, not exactly quickly, it had been nearly a year now since I had left England and Terry behind and maybe becoming a part of Shield had been quick but this… I gaze at the people on either side of me, no, it was this that took me by surprise, somehow these people had become my entire existence, my family and my home and it thrilled and terrified me in equal measure. Although maybe not quite as much as the monsters currently headed towards us.

"Be safe kid okay," Clint mutters from beside me and I smile up at him, even if it is a bit forced.

"Only if you promise the same," I say and he offers me him own grim smile and a nod as he readies his bow.

"Addi…" I look to Steve as he calls my name and I realise in that moment that I needed to get over whatever stupid crush I had on him and be a good friend because he had suffered far worse than me and it was my job to make his life easier and to keep him safe.

"I know, you too," I say and he nods.

"Let's show Loki what we can do then," Nat says and just like that the battle begins.

It takes all of about five minutes for me to completely separated from the others and exhausted as I try to battle these monsters and one things for sure, I may be a quick learner, but two months training is nowhere near enough to be ready and I am barely surviving, pure instinct being about the only thing keeping me alive at this point.

"Mirage, I need you over on 22nd, there are civilians trapped in the bank and the Cap needs some help,"

"Who the bloody hell is Mirage," I call over the coms as I fight off another creature with one of their own weapons that I had found a few minutes ago on the floor.

"It's you Addi my dear," Tony replies and I gaze around the sky looking for him almost forgetting where I am for a second and it is only lucky that the creature behind me growls before it attacks, otherwise I would surely be dead. I spin to face it and am about to raise my gun, knowing already that it would be too late to avoid injury when it falls dead at my feet and I stare up in shock as Thor stands in front of me.

"Keep your wits about you little assassin," he says and I nod a little my body still numb with shock, "now go and help Steve," he reminds me and it is the mention of his name that spurs me on. I have no idea what I can possibly do to help if Steve is in trouble, I was outmatched by everything here and felt guilty even wearing the uniform I was in but one thing I did know for sure was that I would do anything in my power to protect him.

Rounding the corner I see the police surrounding the building and the screaming inside and freeze for a second to take a deep breath and work out what to do. Okay, what would Nat and Clint do? I spend a second or two analysing the scene in front of me before taking another deep breath and springing into action before I can stop myself, or talk myself out of it. Swinging up onto a car I quickly begin scaling the wall of the building before climbing through a broken window, landing silently and crouching while I survey the scene before me.  
"Mirage you in there yet?" Tony's voice crackles over my com and I very nearly jump.

"Where did this Mirage thing come from exactly?" I whisper back to him and I roll my eyes at his ability to laugh at a time like this.

"Everyone in the team has a nickname except you… and Thor, but he is a God so I guess he doesn't need one, thought it suited you,"

"Shouldn't you be concentrating a little more on… oh I don't know… Saving the world!" I reply sarcastically,

"Just one of my many talents kid, the ability to multi task," and I know he is smirking, I can hear it in his voice.

"Well we'll talk about it afterwards," I reply dryly, inching forward and then seeing Steve fighting my breath catches.

"Addi," his expression is a combination of relieved and fearful as he sees me and I second later I know why as I see one of the creatures drop a device that looks suspiciously like a…

"Bomb," I scream throwing my hands up and freezing everyone before darting forward and grabbing the device and throwing it out of the window.

"Addi," a strong arm grabs me around the waist and pulls me down as a shield is held in front of me just as the device explodes and we are thrown clean out of the window, Steve twisting somehow so that I land on top of him, which is probably a good thing as anywhere else would probably killed me. "Addi," the voice is so full of panic that my eyes spring open and I try to sit up a moan of pain escaping me.

"Mmm, fine," I say staring at him as he looks disbelievingly down at me, "go help the others, you have to help, they're more important," I add and I swear to God he growls, which does all kinds of strange things to me, even if I did feel like every bone in my body was broken.

"Nothing is more important than you," he says fiercely. Seriously this is not exactly helping the whole getting over him thing.

"But I thought…" I start before I am interrupted by him again.

"You're my best friend Addi, how many times do I have to tell you? Since Bucky… I'm with you, to the end of the line," he whispers and my heart simultaneously lifts and falls at his words.

"I'm okay Steve, I promise, I just maybe need a few minutes, I'll hide out for a minute and then come find you, go finish this fight," I whisper back and he leans down suddenly impulsively kissing me on the forehead and I offer him my best fake smile as he disappears back into the fighting. I was in all kinds of trouble with this one, and not just because my entire body hurt.

"I can close it, does anyone copy, I think I can close it," Nat's voice suddenly says and I struggle to my feet as I hear Steve telling her to do it.

"No, stop,"

"What the hell Tony, these things are everywhere," I exclaim before I can stop myself.

"I've got a nuke, incoming it's going to blow in two minutes," he replies and I feel my blood run cold. I was going to die here, alone, covered in dirt and blood and surrounded by destruction and bodies. What had I gotten myself into?

I needed to find Steve, if I was about to die then I wanted to be beside someone I knew, someone I… cared a lot about. I have just spotted Steve fighting alongside Thor when an almighty explosion that throws me off my feet as the creatures all collapsed dead to the ground and then the portal is closing and Tony is still in there and I am screaming and Steve is calling to me and I am struggling to his side as we watch Tony fall. Watch Bruce, or the other guy, catch him, and I bury my face is Steve's shoulder on my knees beside him as we watch him, not moving, not breathing until Bruce bellows in his face and starts awake and I am crying out as I collapse on top of him, his arm struggling to hold me in an awkward hug.


	6. Chapter 6

"So what now?" I ask quietly as we sit around in the restaurant as people begin clearing up the devastation around them.

"We take a few days off and regroup Mirage, that's what," Tony states whilst picking at his food.

"What is with the nickname Stark?" Steve asks and I look up at this too wanting to know the answer.

"When she freezes things they go kind of shimmery for a second, looks kind of like a Mirage," he says as if it is completely obvious and the others all stare at me for a minute before smiling and then chuckling which soon turns to a rather hysterical laughter which I quit as soon as I start because of the pain it causes to rush through me.

It is some time later as we are walking, okay I'm sort of limping, slash dragging myself along beside Steve who doesn't look like he is faring a whole lot better than me.

"Where are we going Steve?" I ask after a moment,

"Home," he grunts sounding too tired to say much more and I don't blame him, he had fought so hard today and needed a rest.

"Okay," I reply letting the silence between us settle for a couple more minutes, "It's just…"

"What is it Addi?" he asks and I stop moving stopping him too.

"I don't have a home Steve, it got blown up remember and I'm pretty sure yours did too about three hours ago," I say and my heart breaks for him at the lost look in his eye, he slumps suddenly all of his energy draining from him as he sinks to the floor sitting on the pavement. After a second I join him, wincing and trying desperately not to whimper out loud, I very much need to sleep and take some heavy-duty pain killers right now.

"I've lost everything," he sighs and I touch my hand to his forearm as it rests across his knees.

"No you haven't," I whisper to him, swallowing thickly as I try my best to focus on making him feel better without showing him how I feel, "you told me a few hours ago that I was important to you,"

"You are, the most important thing in the world, all I have left," he says staring at me with such intensity that I feel as if my blood is boiling in my veins.

"Then you haven't lost everything have you because I'm still here and I'm with you too Steve, to the end of the line," I whisper and he grabs me so suddenly and pulls me to him that I yelp in pain.

"Sorry," he says immediately letting me go and I smile resting my head on his shoulder, trying not to enjoy the feeling of his arm settling around my shoulders too much.

"So where are we going?" I ask after a while and he shifts a little resting his chin against my head and sighing.

"I don't know but we'll figure it out together,"

Three weeks later has us living in Stark Tower, not exactly what I had imagined but pretty amazing really, except for the fact that I have to share an apartment with Steve and that means being tortured with his beautiful face and body and kindness on an all too regular basis. The main problem however, was the nightmares, every night the same, images of Steve and Nat and Clint and the others dying, everything becoming shimmery and then something else something different a man with a metal arm hunting us all, killing us all. SO far I had managed to keep it quiet, somehow waking up before I screamed out, panting and sweating and unable to get back to sleep. I know that Steve can tell something is up, he keeps giving me worried looks and making comments about me looking tired which I shrug off.

The nightmare is worse tonight, more real, like for the first time it is in full HD and I don't know what it means. The images of the battle play out as usual and then the man with the metal arm appears he is fighting Steve and then they are both falling and Steve is gone and I feel like I have just died with him. Waking up with a yelp I sit up, sweat drenching me as tears stream down my face and my breaths come in short sharp gasps.

"Addi," I look up and gasp again shrinking back into myself in my embarrassment and panic as I see Steve standing in the doorway in nothing but a thin tight t-shirt and pyjama pants.

"Sorry," I mutter, cringing at the obvious whimper in my voice as I say it.

"Addi, please, this has to stop," his voice is earnest as he appears in front of me sitting on the bed as close to me as he dares whilst still keeping his distance, ever the gentleman.

"It's okay, I'm fine, I… sorry for waking you," I continue, trying desperately to calm my breathing and get control of myself, the last thing I wanted to do was fall apart in front of him.

"Addi," he sighs, his fingers gently grasping my chin and pulling my face up so that I am looking him in the eye, "you have to talk about it,"

"I can't," I whimper, feeling more tears begin to make steady tracks down my face, "I don't… I don't understand them," I manage to say before I dissolve into a sobbing mess, so much for being strong in front of him.

"Shhh, it's okay Addi, I'm here," he whispers and I cry even more as I feel him gather me into his arms. It feels so right, so comfortable, like coming home and it makes my heart hurt and my eyes burn as still more tears flow down my now swollen and blotchy face.

"I'm sorry," I whisper eventually and he pulls away slightly his hands on either side of my face as he forces me to look at him.

"Stop saying that Addi," he whispers back, concern so visible in his eyes that it almost makes me start crying again.

"I woke you up though and I've tried so hard…" I trail off slightly as he tenses pulling me nearly completely on to his lap my own breath catching in my throat as I feel his solidness and safety against me.

"Is this why you've not been sleeping?" he asks and I nod unable to hold his gaze as I stare instead at my hands held tightly in one of his large ones.

"I didn't want to wake you, I… I didn't want to be weak," my voice is tiny and it makes me cringe inwardly at how ironic it was that I was talking about not wanting to be weak whilst appearing weaker than I ever had.

"You are not weak Addi, you are one of the strongest people I know, what you've been through, it's normal to have nightmares…" he begins only to be interrupted by me shuddering.

"That's not it though," I say and he looks confused as he stares at me, his perfect face marred with a frown.

"What is it then? Talk to me Addi," he urges and I sigh before giving in, too tired to hold it from him anymore.

"It's not just nightmares about what happened, there are… images, a man with a metal arm, you and him fighting, strange feelings, a man flying, I don't understand it," I say fear audible in my voice.

"It's okay Addi, It'll be okay, I'm here, I'm with you…"

"To the end of the line," I finish with a weak smile, "will you stay with me tonight Steve," I ask on impulse feeling myself blush instantly at my forwardness. It's funny really up until I met Steve I had never worried too much about innuendo and connotations of things, I mean they were the least of my worries when you consider what actually happened to me, but Steve had a way of making me feel like I was in a different time, where things were done properly.

"Of course I will sweetheart," he whispers and then looks startled at this term of endearment that had slipped out, an expression I think must be reflected on my own face as an adorable blush creeps across his own cheeks.

"Thank you," I say, too tired to confront what his words were doing to me and not up to teasing him, so instead I bury my head in his chest and sigh contentedly as his arms wrap securely around me and I feel him lean back against the head board with me curled into him.

"We'll figure it out Addi, I promise," he whispers to me and I smile as a random sentence pops into my head, I am half asleep and I'm not convinced the words are my own, I have no idea what they even mean really.

"We'll find him you know Steve, we'll bring him home," I say and he laughs a little in confusion,

"Who Addi?"

"Bucky," I reply and I know instantly that I have said something wrong, he freezes completely, his entire body rigid and un-moving, so much so that for a second I think I have frozen him, until he pushes me off of him and off of the bed where I land painfully on my backside scrambling for the covers as he scrambles to stand.

"What did you just say?" he asks confusion and fear and anger all audible in his voice and it makes me shake, for the first time scared of him and what he could do to me.

"I don't know, I was half asleep the words just appeared in my head," I stutter as I try to stand too, despite my shaking legs.

"How did you… I never spoke to you about? Are you a spy?" he is so angry now that I can see him shaking too.

"No!" I almost scream at him, "how could you even…" my voice trails off as I see the distrust in his face and I feel as if my heart is shattering.

"Then how?" he asks still standing statue like in the doorway, a towering figure that for the first time represented danger rather than safety.

"I don't know," I cry, "I don't know what's happening to me," my voice is barely above a whisper and looking up at him I see the anger leave him and the regret set in and I want so much to go to him. To hold him to me and tell him it would be okay but the sight of him staring at me with such anger was still too present in my mind.

"Addi," his voice is gentle again as he takes a step forward but I can't answer, instinctively taking a step backwards my back hitting the wall.

"It's okay, I'm fine, maybe you should leave now," I whisper to him and he makes a noise that almost sounds like a groan and I look up startled to see tears glistening in his own eyes as he sinks to the floor, his back against my bedroom door.

"My mother would be so disappointed in me if she could see me now," he mutters almost to himself and I very nearly laugh at the absurdity of it.

"No she wouldn't, she'd be proud, incredibly proud," I say and he looks up then rubbing a hand across his face.  
"How can you say that when I have just…?" he breaks off again and I suddenly realise just how kind he is, just how out of time he is.

"You shouted Steve, that's all," I say quietly still sitting on the other side of the room from him.

"I scared you," he corrects me instantly, "Bucky always said I was useless at talking to ladies, he'd hit me if he saw what I'd done tonight,"

"Steve it only scared me because of… because of Terry and because I don't understand what's happening," I explain but he just shakes his head.

"You mean everything to me Addi, I am supposed to protect you not frighten you,"

"You don't frighten me, the situation frightened me, it's different," I say moving to sit in front of him now and take his hands in mine. I almost laugh at the reversal in our situation, how quickly we seemed to swing between emotions.

"It's just been so long since I heard that name, since I…" he breaks off again and sighs heavily and I can tell he is trying to keep his own emotions in check.

"Tell me about him," I whisper now and he looks up as I stand and pull him with me, leading him back to the bed, "it helps to talk, I told you my nightmares, now it's your turn to tell me, to share your pain," I say and he nods slowly, easing himself down and pulling me gently to him.

"How did I get lucky enough to have you in my life?" he whispers as his fingers gently begin to stroke against my arm, sending tingles through me.

"I think I was the lucky one Steve, you rescued me remember?" I smile.

"Clint rescued you," he corrects and I giggle a little,

"True, but you saved me too, in more ways than just physically, you helped me to trust again,"

"And I nearly destroyed that tonight," he murmurs burying his head against my hair and breathing in deeply.

"No you didn't," I reassure him, "We've got each other forever remember," I add and we spend the night that way, talking and sharing stories. I tell him everything about my life, about Terry, about what I had done and he in turn tells me everything of his life. His childhood, his friendship with Bucky, the war and Peggy and then waking up. I fall asleep beside him, his fingers still tracing patterns on my arm as he whispers to me about how we would be okay, how life would get better.


	7. Chapter 7

The month's drift by quickly and whilst Steve and I are closer than ever, which is doing nothing to help my ever-growing feelings for him but at least I have my training to keep me occupied, I can't help feeling like there is something not quite right. At least it seems to have settled down a little after the whole battle of New York thing.

Getting up I spend my day as I always do, training and then going home to cook for Steve and I, I know that today he has a meeting that may well overrun so I take my time picking up the groceries I need and heading back, saying hello to our neighbour as I approach the door to our apartment. I make that quick as I don't like her much.

"Addi, hey wait up," Steve's voice halts me and I turn and smile, my smile quickly becoming a frown as his attention is caught by our neighbour. I scowl as they chat a little and am unable to stop the jealousy from swelling in my heart and stinging my eyes and so I turn away and fiddle with my key as I try to blink away the tears of hurt and open the door until his hand suddenly stills my own and I look up at him in surprise. Registering the shock and slight concern is his face as he takes in my watery eyes I am about to say something when he shakes his head and motions with it towards the door and so I turn to it and that's when I hear the record playing.

"I didn't leave it on," I whisper to him and he nods opening the door and stepping in, pushing me behind him as he does so.

"Direc…" I don't hear the rest of what is said as I take in Fury's state and feel something begin to happen to me. I can't speak, I can't move and I can't hear but it is like I can feel that something is going to happen. I feel as though I am being sucked through a portal, everything shimmery and glowing and I can see him, the man with the metal arm and I want desperately to scream and to run but I just stand there as he approaches me. I watch as he steps closer to me, stopping only when he is inches away from me and my breath hitches as I look into his eyes. Ice blue, cold and hard and deadly and yet… there is something hidden, a pain, a heartache and it breaks my own heart to see it. Gasping for breath I suddenly find myself on the floor with Steve in front of me.

"He's here," I manage to whisper before gunfire begins to rattle through the apartment. The next thing I know I am standing in the hospital with Steve and Nat watching Fury die and clinging to Steve like a lost child.

"Captain we need you," Rumlow says suddenly, his voice loud enough to make me jump and Steve's arms to tense around me.

"Okay," he sighs eventually his eyes never leaving mine, his fingers tracing patterns across my back.

"Now, Captain," he adds and this time I can see the tension in Steve's jaw as he closes his eyes for a second.

"Okay," he says his hands gripping mine and as they do so slipping a usb stick into one of them, I glance up at him and see him staring at me intensely, it's like I can see into his mind and hear him telling me, 'keep it safe, hide here," I nod and then he is gone and I find myself in a cupboard.

How the bloody hell had my life got to this, hiding in a fucking cupboard for Captain bloody perfect to come and tell me what the hell is going on. As I sit the panic begins to set in, what if he never came back, what if the guy with the metal arm got to him, what if he found me, and mostly why the bloody hell did I not feel more terrified about that fact. Oh hell I did not want to get into that I was already in… well I already really liked someone who saw me as no more than a friend and now I was getting strange feelings over some complete stranger, with a metal arm and who was set on killing us, all because he had something hidden in his eyes. I groan a little as I try to rid my brain of the thoughts and nightmares that plagued me, shooting to my feet and taking up a defensive stance as the door handle begins to rattle, echoing the sound of my breath rattling in my lungs.

"Addi," the voice is so soft I almost don't hear it but I do and I grapple for the handle swinging the door open and flinging myself into the body on the other side.

"Oh thank God!" I cry burying my head in his chest for a second trying to regain control of my senses, "what happened?" I ask in a whisper eventually pulling away and trying not to notice that whilst Nat stood beside him she was not wearing her trademark smirk and her stance was stiff.

"Not here, do you have it," he murmurs back to me and I nod as he takes my hand in his gripping it tightly as we move quickly out of the building and into a car.

"Here," I say as I realise the car is stolen and they had no key, I bend down and hot wire it quickly before sitting back and gazing out of the window for a while,

"Where did you learn to hot wire a car?" Steve asks after a moment and I smile at him a little, albeit weakly.

"I have a past Steve you know that," he smiles too and I really hope it is because he is remembering the night we spent holding each other as we spoke of our pasts, "so either of you planning on telling me what's happening?" I ask eventually watching the tension once again stiffen their postures.

"Shield is compromised Addi, that stick you have is our best way of finding out what's going on," Steve says eventually and I gulp a little as I try to take this is.

"Okay," I say after a second trying very hard to keep my voice steady, "what's the plan then?"

"We get to a mall, we can use a computer store device to look up what's on the USB without being traced to quickly," Nat says and I nod, sitting back in silence for the rest of the journey.

"How long have we got?" Steve asks as we stand around a computer in an Apple store half an hour later, his hat pulled down low over his eyes to avoid detection.

"They'll be here in seven minutes," Nat replies before glancing up at me and smiling tightly, "keep watch and whatever happens it's just to avoid detection," she says quietly and I quirk an eyebrow in confusion at her before taking a couple of steps to the right so I have a better visual of the outside of the store. A few seconds later I realise what she meant as she begins telling an employee that Steve is her fiancé, it's funny really because I know that Nat is not interested in Steve and I know that it is all a cover but the burning jealousy and hurt in me won't dampen.

"They're here," I mutter stepping back to them just as she pulls the USB out and hands it to me discreetly.

"Let's go," she whispers and we are moving, I walk behind them, trying not to cringe as I watch him throw his arm around her and laugh, turning my head just in time to avoid being stared at by one of the agents hunting us. Stepping onto the escalator I am just behind them, so close I can feel the heat emanating from his body and I am forced to repress a shudder turning away and spotting Rumlow on the opposite escalator.

"Rumlow," I whisper and Nat glances at me quickly before turning back to Steve.

"Kiss me," she tells him and my blood runs cold as I stare at them, my eyes connecting with Steve's for a fraction of a second before his head is pulled into hers and they are kissing and I feel sick.

"You and Addi, need to find out what those coordinates mean," Nat is saying when we are standing once again by the car.

"And you?" he replies while I determinedly look in the other direction making out that I am looking for danger.

"I am going to find Clint and the others see if any of them are around to help," she smiles suddenly pulling me to her and I want to hug her back but I just stand stiffly.

"I told you it was just a cover Addi," she whispers and I nod stiffly, afraid that my resolve would crack and I would begin crying if I tried to speak and thank God she seemed to get it as she nods to me and then is gone as Steve pushes me into the car and we are driving in silence.

"You alright Addi?" he asks after a while and I nod not saying anything, "I'm sorry to drag you into this, I… I wish I could have kept you safe and hidden somewhere," he sighs heavily after a while and I feel a whole new kind of sickness wash over me. Glancing over at him I am filled with guilt as I watch the pain on his face. I needed to push away my anger and hurt, it was stupid, a crush, that he didn't even know about and we were facing much bigger issues than me ruining our friendship right now.

"I wouldn't have gone if you had found somewhere," I smile at him and he glances over at me chuckling a little.

"No I guess you wouldn't, never were good at being hidden away and rescued," he replies and I laugh.

"Exactly and yet you do still insist on rescuing me quite a lot,"

"I'm Captain America sweetheart, it's what I do, rescue damsels in distress," he smirks playfully and I lean over to slap him gently on the arm.

"I'm no damsel in distress bitch, I'm a bloody spy with super powers," I laugh and he laughs too as we settle into a more comfortable silence than before.

"Addi, sweetheart, time to wake up," his voice washes over me and warms me as if a blanket had just been pulled over me and I moan a little in my sleep before conscious thought returns to me and my eyes pop open to see a rather flustered looking Steve's face inches from my own.

"Sorry," I mutter, feeling my own face heat up.

"No problem… we're here," he replies as he helps pull me out of the car and lets his hands hold my arms for a moment as he steadies me.

"So… this is it," I comment as we walk towards the fence stopping when I hear his intake of breath.

"I know this place," he whispers, almost to himself and I look at him before looking back at the wire fencing and realisation finally dawns on me.

"This is where it happened, where he chose you?" I ask although I already know the answer barely even needing to look at him to know that he is nodding. "Changed much?" I add to try and ease his mind and he chuckles a little a sound which never ceases to lift my heart a little no matter the situation.

"A bit yeah," he replies.

"Hey Steve," I say as we begin looking around.

"Yeah?" he calls back, eyes still fixed on his past,

"Didn't you tell me that there was a rule about having weapons near a base or something?" I ask and he finally shakes himself out of his thoughts and turns towards me.

"Yes," he replies as he walks to my side.

"What's that then?" I ask pointing towards the building to our right and he follows my arm and tense a tiny amount at his intake of breath.

"Did I ever tell you, you are a genius Addi," he whispers as he takes my hand and, squeezing it, pulls me towards the building.

"Not lately," I reply with a smirk as we step through the door and look around. Steve pauses in front of an old photograph and I move to stand beside him. "That's her isn't it?" I ask quietly as I see the beautiful brunette standing beside Steve in the picture and he nods.

"Yeah, that's her," he whispers back to me,

"She's beautiful," I comment and he smiles,

"Yeah, she was," he says and I sigh a tiny bit, realising, perhaps for the first time, that I really don't have a chance in hell, not that I thought I did anyway, but seeing how beautiful she is, how different she is from me.

"Figures," I murmur as I walk away from him to avoid thinking about the fact that whatever this was that I was feeling, it was going to… it had to end, and it had to end now or I would ruin everything between us and at least this way I have him in my life.

"What…?" he begins, damn super soldier hearing.

"Nothing, hey Stevie…"

"What did you just call me?" he asks, suddenly in front of me his hands gripping my arms so tightly it hurts a little and I am reminded of that night in my bedroom all those months ago, whimpering as I try to take a step away from him.

"Nothing, I… I don't know, it just popped into my head and it felt right," I answer a slight waver in my voice as I do so and he lets go quickly as I back up into the wall behind me.

"Oh God, Addi, sweetheart I'm sorry, I didn't it's just…" he trails off and I feel guilty again, and if I'm honest it is actually quite annoying that he manages to look so innocent and hurt and make me feel guilty even when he is technically in the wrong.

"Doesn't matter," I reply shortly, "we should get a move on, look," I add pulling a lever and opening that door to a secret lab, within the secret lab.

"Addi," he tries again but I just shake my head at him.

"Later," I say, impressed with how firm my voice is as I walk towards the ancient looking computers, more than a little surprised to find a place to actually plug in the USB, which instantly powers up the entire room.

I listen in shocked awe to the voice of the man Steve had told me about, the evil so clear in every word that it makes me shudder. I watch as Steve's entire world seems to shatter as he finds out that Hydra wasn't destroyed, Bucky died for nothing and it breaks my heart and then I freeze as the maniac's attention turns to me.

"They're coming for you Addison Willcox, they've been hunting you for a long time," he says and I feel Steve move towards me at the same time as the device in my hand bleeps.

"Steve, two bombs, heading straight for us," I say and then everything is a blur. He rips things up from the floor before throwing me in jumping down on top of me and shielding me with his own body as I hear the impact, feel the impact and then feel the pain… and darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

Groaning I open my eyes and move to sit up realising that I am in a bed, a bed that isn't mine and panic quickly builds in me as I try to work out where I was, scrambling backwards out of the bed and searching for a weapon as I hear footsteps outside the door. A pained yelp escapes my throat as my back hits the wall and the door flies open to reveal Steve standing there searching the room for a threat, Nat and another guy behind him.

"Oh thank God," I gasp sinking to the floor and taking in much needed air.

"It's okay Addi, you're safe," Nat says even as Steve approaches me and I nod as I let him help me up and lead me back to the bed, where, sitting down, I blush as I realise that I am wearing nothing other than one of Steve's shirts.

"What's going on?" I ask looking up at the three of them, "what's the plan?"

"Straight to the point isn't she?" the guy I don't know asks and both Steve and Nat smile a little at that.

"Always, that's our mirage, wouldn't have her any other way, we'll be outside," Nat says looking at Steve and then dragging the other man out.

"Who's that?" I ask immediately.

"Sam, it's okay he's with us," Steve answers and I nod my head sitting back against the headboard and not bothering to cover my legs, why should I he doesn't see me that way, not his type, in any way judging by the picture of Peggy Carter.

"What happened?" I ask again and he glances up from where his eyes had been fixed on a rather impressive bruise on my thigh.

"The blast knocked you out, got you back here, we're going to move on a couple of agents, try and see how deep this thing goes and bring it down," he explains and I nod as I take in the information.

"When do we leave?"

"Addi, I…"

"Don't even try it Steve, I am not staying behind, not this time," I interrupt and his hands quickly find mine as he smiles, even if it is a bit forced.

"I wasn't going to suggest it sweetheart, if I've learned anything about you it's not to fight when you've made up your mind," he smiles his thumbs seeming to subconsciously begin to make patterns across the backs of my hands, sending little electric shocks through my body.

"Oh," I squeak and then mock scowl at him as he laughs at me.

"Listen Addi, about what happened in there before," he says more seriously,

"You saved my life again," I answer but he shakes his head.

"Before that Addi, when you called me Stevie," he says and I stiffen a little as I remember,

"I'm sorry about that, if it… I didn't mean to…" I stutter feeling myself flush again.

"No, it's just that, well, nobody has called me that since Bucky, he was the only one…" he trails off and I suddenly throw my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper and he grips me tighter pulling me into his lap as he shushes me.

"It's okay Addi, if anyone can call me that it's you, I actually, I quite liked it," he whispers back and I pull away a tiny bit to stare at him,

"Are you sure?" I ask and he nods as I suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to kiss him, my stomach twisting and knotting as I shift in his lap, feeling terrified and excited and anxious all at once.

"Cap, Addi, time to go," a voice calls through the door and he clears his throat as I scramble off him and mutter something about getting dressed while he excuses himself to wait outside. As soon as the door shuts I sink down shakily to the bed and bury my face in my hands, I needed to get a grip and quickly, this was driving me insane.

"Still got it bad then?" a voice whispers besides me and I jump to see Nat sitting next to me.

"Don't do that," I snap at her and she sighs as she throws an arm around me.

"Sorry, and listen, Addi, I'm sorry about before, in the shopping…"

"It's nothing, honestly," I assure her as I pull on a pair of black skinny jeans and a black t-shirt.

"When this is all over, I think we need to go out and get ourselves dates," she comments and I smile at her.

"For once Nat I whole heartedly agree with you," I smile as we both head out and meet the two men.

"Sam," the man I don't know says standing up and offering his hand and I smile as I shake it.

"Addison," I reply.

"Right well, now we're done with the formalities, let's go get us some Hydra agents," Steve say's and we all exchange grim looks as we head out.

The first part of our mission goes off without a hitch and I cannot help but feel pride swell in my chest as Steve effortlessly takes control of us all and creates an effective team. Sitting in the back of the car an hour or so later with the Hydra agent, Sam, Nat and Steve I am beginning to feel tingly all over. My breath starting to come in short, sharp gasps as black spots dance before my vision and suddenly I am sucked through a hole again and am standing a few streets away watching shimmery shapes begin to take form in front of me. The man with the metal arm and amazing eyes fighting Nat, shooting her, Hydra attacking us all, and then the man and Steve fighting and his mask gone and I don't who it is but Steve does because I watch his face crumple in disbelief and the man uses it to his advantage and stabs him.

"Addi," the voice is panicked and the hand on my face brings me back to myself as I find myself back in the car Steve gazing at me in open concern. What the fuck was happening to me?  
"He's coming," I says hoarsely, "Steve, the man, with the metal arm, he's coming and you…" but I never get the chance to finish my sentence as everything goes to hell. The car rockets into the central reservation as the steering wheel is ripped out and I am with Nat, being cradled by Steve on a car door, skidding to a stop and rolling off and away from whoever is shooting at us.

"Stay safe Addi, please," Steve is whispering to me as we crouch by the bridge railings, his hand gripping mine almost painfully tight.

"You too," I respond and he leans over and kisses me on the forehead lingering for a second or two before he pulls away and jumps over the edge.

"Sam, I have to get down there," I yell five minutes later when I realise that time is running out and I needed to get to Steve before anything bad could happen to him, or the man with the metal arm, not that I knew why I cared about what happened to him, or had the time to figure it out at the moment.

"I'll cover you kid, go for it," he yells back and so swinging over the edge I manage to jump down onto a car roof and roll off onto the floor, somehow I think that Steve or Nat would have made that far more smooth looking. Ducking and diving I make my way to the street I had seen in my, vision, I guess that's what I should call it, and then freeze as I see the scene playing out before my eyes for a second time only this time with sound.

"Nat," I yelp as I rush to her side, where I am quickly joined by Sam, "look after her," I tell him and he nods before gesturing at the two fighting men.

"Quick," I stand up and dart towards them just as the mask is torn from the guys face and I freeze for two reasons, I had seen the man's face before but it had been blurry and out of focus, now that I could see it in sharp focus I was stunned at how beautiful he was, the only man I had ever seen that could come close to Steve in that respect. The other reason for freezing was much more disturbing though, it was Steve's voice, hoarse and full of so much emotion it damn near made me scream.

"Bucky?" he says, and it sounds like a question except I know that it's not and I can hardly stand to look at him,

"Who the hell is Bucky?" the other man asks in a growl as if he is unused to using his voice but thank God he does because it is this that brings me back to Earth and throwing my hands up I freeze them all just as 'Bucky' is leaping forward to attack Steve and push Steve as hard as I can out of the way,

"Oh," I say as they unfreeze and I am suddenly face to face with him, staring into the eyes that I had been dreaming of for months and then glancing down at where his metal hand is holding the knife which is currently fairly well embedded in my side. He looks as shocked as I do that it is me and not Steve on the end of his weapon and as I search his eyes I see that flicker of humanity and repulsion at what he is doing and I smile, my hand reaching unconsciously for his face and tracing his check.

"It's okay," I whisper, and then he is gone and I am on the floor and Hydra agents are surrounding us and Steve hasn't said a word.

"We need to get them to a hospital before they bleed out," Sam is yelling as we are thrown in the back of a van with armed guards, a sweat beginning to break out across my skin as I fight to stem the bleeding with my own hand, Steve is still too stuck in his head.

"Quick, down here," I am brought back to consciousness and the present by the voice and I see Maria standing before me, I smile as I grab her hand and she helps me through the manhole and supports me as we walk.

"Am I glad to see you," I manage after a while and she laughs a little before we continue on in silence until we find ourselves in yet another secret facility.

"No, wait, they're going to want to see him first," Maria says and both myself Nat glance at each other a gasp escaping from my throat as I round a corner to see Fury lying in a hospital bed.

"I knew it," Nat says, and for the first time since seeing Bucky I see a ghost of a smile on Steve's face.

"Just how many secret facilities do you have exactly?" I mutter and they all laugh a little and I smile too until I feel the feeling in my legs disappearing and I cling more tightly to Maria.

"Steve," she says and he is in front of me in a second,

"I'm good, just need to… sit down," I manage and he growls before picking me up, tensing as I yelp in pain.

"Either of them figured it out yet?" I hear someone say as we leave the room but don't have the energy to focus too much time on working out what it means.

Steve sits silently, and stiffly beside my bed as the doctors stitch me up and try to repair the damage done to my side. I had lost a lot of blood and so they set up a transfusion even using some of Steve's blood, at his insistence, to help aid and speed up my recovery, by the time they leave I am beginning to feel tense myself, Steve still hadn't said a word.

"I'm sorry," I whisper after another few minutes of silence and he is suddenly standing over me.

"You promised me you'd stay safe," he says almost angrily and I stare up at him in dismay that I had upset him even more.

"I am, look I'm here, I'm okay," I say grabbing his hand to prove it to him and he just squeezes it tightly in his own breathing heavily for a minute.

"You could have died Addi," he almost growls.

"Better me than you," I say before I can stop myself and now I know that I had to tell him the truth because he looks so angry and hurt that I couldn't let him go and fight while he was mad at me.

"Never. Say that," he snaps, each word forced through clenched teeth.

"I couldn't do it Steve, I couldn't let him hurt you," I try to explain, wincing in pain as I try to shift to sit up a little and he immediately stills my movements.

"I can heal,"

"But he wouldn't get over doing that to you," I say in almost a whisper and he looks so shell shocked that for a second he gapes at me with his mouth open before he manages to speak.

"You did this for… you knew?" he says as he remembers the events of the day and I nod a little sighing as I try to explain.

"In the car, I saw… I knew you knew him, I didn't know it was Bucky but I saw you recognise him, I tried to tell you but then… well everything happened," I am cut off by him pulling me to him gently, burying his head in my neck as his shoulders shake a little and I am so shocked to feel his hot tears against my skin that for a second I can't move. Eventually I move my arms to hold him to me too and begin to whisper what I hope are comforting words in his ear.

"Sorry," he mutters when he pulls away rubbing at his face and flushing a deep red.

"Never apologise Steve," I reply,

"You are… the best friend I could have ever hoped for Addi," he says and I force a genuine smile onto my face.

"I know," I say and then Sam is in the doorway.

"We gotta move," he says and I nod moving to get up,

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Steve asks immediately and I glare at him.

"I'm not staying here," I growl back and he opens his mouth to argue when Nat interrupts us both.

"She can stay in the chopper with me," she says and I smile at her in thanks as he stares between us for a minute before throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

"Fine," he snaps as he leaves and the rest of us laugh.

"he's got it bad," Sam laughs and I sober up straight away,

"Just friends Sam, best friends," I reply and I glare at Nat as she exchanges a glance and smirk with him.

"Whatever," he laughs and I huff at them unable to retaliate as Steve walks back in with a fresh change of clothes for me. I have to wonder where all these clothes come from and maybe stop ruining so many outfits too, that would probably help.


	9. Chapter 9

Sitting in the helicopter and directing Steve and Sam around the compound makes me realise just how much I hate waiting for something to happen and being unable to do anything about it. The worry that fills me makes my chest hurt as Steve runs into the hellicarrier thing and I can hear the fighting start.

Suddenly, that now familiar feeling begins to creep over me as I am sucked into another vision. It's Steve and Bucky fighting, Bucky nearly killing Steve, the hellicarrier crashing, Steve nearly drowning and then Bucky pulling him out before running away. Coming out of the vision I am shaking and feel physically ill.

"You have to let me out," I say quickly and Nat almost laughs as she gives me a look of complete shock, mirrored by Fury who is flying the plane, I swear that man is completely indestructible.

"We're kinda busy here kid," Fury says,

"I can't explain it right now, but I have somewhere I need to be right now or everything is going to shit," I shout panic now flowing freely through me as I can feel time running out.

"Here," Nat shouts back throwing me a parachute which I attach and then throw myself out of the helicopter before I can stop myself, pulling the cord I manage to land without too much incident and then promptly empty my stomach. Don't judge, jumping out of a helicopter is fucking terrifying, and that's if you're not scared of heights, which by the way I am, very much so, not that I had ever told anyone other than Clint that but there you go. Looking around I see a motorbike, brilliant something else I hated, something I had made sure to tell Steve on a regular basis, guess this is the day I face all my fears then. Grabbing the bike I start it in the way I had seen Steve do so many times and drive it as fast as I can towards the edge of the lake where I had seen them in my head. As I reach the place I can see the thing hitting the water and a scream echoes around the shoreline, it takes me a few moments to realise that it is me that has screamed and shortly afterwards I empty my stomach again before crouching behind a tree pulling out a piece of paper and pen, scribbling the note and then waiting my stomach still roiling in fear.

I start a few moments later when I hear the splashing at the edge and watch as Bucky drags Steve's unconscious form from the water and I jump out and rush towards them. Bucky stares up at me for a second before moving to run but I throw my hands up and freeze him quickly as I dart forwards and push the note into a pocket inside his trousers. I am standing inches from him when he unfreezes and he gives me that same startled look for a second before the Winter Soldier takes over and he punches me in the side before back handing me sending me to the floor with a scream of pain as he rips at the still fresh stab wound he had given me less than 24 hours ago. I crawl towards Steve even as I watch his boots disappear, black spots already dancing in my peripheral.

"Come on Steve, wake up, please, Steve wake up," I gasp as I reach for him, rolling onto my side one hand reaching for my side, pulling it back up to see it coated in blood and groaning a little as my consciousness seems to slip away from me, my only hope that Bucky would find the note and would stop running. I had tried so hard to think what to do and I knew that Steve loved Bucky, as a friend, we had had that conversation, and actually considering Steve was the most conservative man in the whole world we had actually managed to have a conversation about sex that did have him running for the hills. He had admitted to me that whilst he was still a virgin, the whole pre-serum him was not so confident or lucky with the girls, mind you the post serum him wasn't great with the confidence either but he did say that he had spoken to Bucky about it and that whilst neither of them were interested in each other in that way they would quite happily share a 'dame' as he put it. If it was the right one, he was eager to point out which made me laugh and point out to him that the right 'dame' probably wouldn't jump for a threesome and he had to agree which made us both laugh. All I knew though was that Steve was lost without Bucky, especially now that he knew he was alive, I had to find a way to bring him back, so I wrote the note, it was a vain hope I know but it's all I could think of at the time. Yes I know a note that says; _'Bucky, come back to us, stop running, Steve needs you and I think I might too, Love Addi,'_ is insane and makes no sense and in hindsight I may have worded it slightly differently but there you go, maybe I needed some more training before I became that good at thinking under pressure.

Waking up it takes me a long while to work out where I am as everything is blurry and it is only the hand holding mine, fingers gently stroking against my skin that brings me back into the world fully.

"Steve," I mumble, "you're alive,"

"I promised I wouldn't leave you Addi, I meant it," he smiles as I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him.

"How long was I out?" I ask, noticing that the pain in my side was now no more than a dull ache which is good and I am fed up of being in pain.

"Nearly a full week," he replies and I let out a little noise of surprise as I move to sit up him immediately beside me helping me up gently and offering me some water which I gulp down gratefully.

"Sorry," I murmur when he has placed the glass back on the table by my bed and sat on the edge himself facing me and my hand once again engulfed in his.

"So you saved me?" he asks and I shake my head,

"Bucky pulled you out Steve, I was just there when he did," I say quietly and his grip tightens a little,

"And your injuries?" he asks and for some reason I automatically lie to him not wanting to cause him anymore pain.

"I fell, well jumped out of the helicopter and then tried to ride a motorbike to get to you, it ripped my stitches I guess and I fell of the bike and hit my head too," I say and thank the lord for the first time in a long time that I was so good at lying, even if it did hurt that I had to lie to the closest friend I had.

"How did you know…?"

"I had another vision," I say quietly tapping my head, "Steve, I don't know what's happening to me, why do I keep having these visions?" I ask nerves filtering into my voice despite me trying to keep them at bay.

"I don't know sweetheart, we'll find out though, together," he says leaning forward to kiss my check gently.

"We need to find Bucky first though," I whisper while his face is still close to mine and he looks at me in confusion.

"Addi, I…"

"I know you're going to look for him and I want to help, you're my best friend Steve, I… I need to help you," I say and he just shakes his head and pulls me into a hug holding me tightly as he whispers into my hair.

"Every time I think I have you down, you do something to surprise me sweetheart," he says and I can hear the smile in his voice which makes me smile myself, despite the fact that I wish he would tell me he was madly in love with me, still at least my life was exponentially better than it was when I was with Terry, even if Steve and I were just friends he still treated me better than any of my ex's ever had.

It's a further week before I am fit enough to set off and I can tell Steve is anxious to get going, Sam is coming with us and Steve has already had him doing loads of little missions to get information. I have apologised repeatedly to Steve for the hold up and he even almost began to get annoyed with me about it so I stopped.

Three months later and we are closing in and the nervous energy around Steve is almost intoxicating and petrifying at the same time. The worst of it is that I have been lying to him, something I had hoped to never do, except about my feelings that is but I figure this is for the best because I don't want to get his hopes up. You see I have been having more visions/nightmares/dreams of things and they keep changing and I think it means that if we find Bucky soon we can prevent certain things happening and save lives, I think that I have a good feeling about it, I think we can bring him back and de-programme him but I'm not sure, that's why I haven't said anything, despite his worry over me not sleeping properly. I've even had to start pretending again, like I did with Terry, so that he won't be woken when I sit up gasping for air. When instead of visions of good things, it is nightmares about the past, about Terry about being stabbed, about future massacres. The one thing I couldn't work out was why I hadn't told him about the note that I put in Bucky's pocket. I am sitting by the window of our hotel room in Slovakia, staring listlessly out into the greyness of the sky when Sam comes flying through the door.

"Think I've got him guys, a warehouse two miles from here," he says and in an instant we are on our feet and in less than ten minutes we are outside the warehouse and closing in on it slowly.

When we enter the building and my eyes have adjusted to the light I spot him crouching in the middle of the building, standing and spinning to face us the second he hears us and for a minute I move my hands to freeze him, scared he would run but then I see his eyes and I know he is done with running and so I lower them and step closer to him. The pain in his eyes is so intense that a little hitching gasp escapes me and tears begin to pour silently down my checks before I can stop them as I turn away from them hearing Steve begin to speak to him.

We had been silent on the way back to the hotel and while Sam had organised our extraction, Nat would be here with Bruce in the morning in the quinjet to pick us up. We were silent for most of the evening, Sam going back to his room next door to get some sleep and Steve heading for a shower when Bucky seems to have finally got to sleep. The nightmare hits him suddenly, and I jump up as he begins to twitch and mumble and then thrash around on the bed before sitting up gasping for breath his metal hand clenching and unclenching and sweat pouring down his face as he stares wildly around.

Touching him had been a bad idea, I just wanted to give him comfort but as soon as my fingers touch his skin I am hit with so many visions that I feel my eyes rolls back in my head. I can feel everything, his pain, his anger, his confusion and loneliness and fear and it makes me scream out and writhe about even as he holds me tightly calling out for Steve.

"Sorry… I'm so sorry," I gasp out as I try to pull in shuddering breaths and then Steve is there and the same thing happens, as soon as he touches me I am overwhelmed with visions of his past and it damn near makes me vomit. I push myself away from them and into the corner rocking as I pulls my knees up to my chest.

"Addi, sweetheart,"

"I don't know what's happening to me, why does it keep getting worse?" I ask, hearing the pleading in my voice and yelping as he reaches for me, pulling away. All I wanted was to touch them, to get some comfort and I was terrified, my breaths are hitching and gasping and I just keep rocking. "Sorry," I keep mumbling over and over again as they sit and watch me.

"We'll get you back, get you both back to Stark towers, we'll work this out," Steve says and the fact that I was worrying him made it hurt worse but it was the push I needed to pull myself together and so with a few shuddering gulps of air I manage to stop myself sobbing and get control of my breathing again. One more thing to thank Terry for, an ability to pretend I'm okay even when I was dying on the inside.

"You're right sorry, just shocked me is all, think maybe I just need to sleep and then we can get home," I say quietly, not quite looking either of them in the eye as I stand shakily and make my way to one of the two beds in the room, lying down and facing the wall, eventually evening out my breath to pretend I am sleeping whilst I listen to them murmuring quietly to one another.

The next morning is grey and dull and I get up and move to the bathroom without making eye contact with either man or speaking to them.

"Addi," Steve's voice is gentle and it hurts my heart so I take a deep breath to stop the fresh tears that are desperate to fall and try to slap a load of makeup on to cover up the tiredness, I put on my best fake smile and move out to the bedroom again.

"I'm okay Steve I promise," I say and then flinch away from him as he reaches to take my hand, "best not, til we know what's happening to me," I say in a whisper forcing the smile, which is now taking all my energy.

"I guess not I just wanted to be sure," he whispers back and I smile a little wider as if to prove just how okay I am.

"Concentrate on Bucky Steve, he is more important right now," I say and he looks ready to try and protest but I shake my head at him, "it's the truth Steve, we both know it," I say, "come on Nat will be here in a minute," I add and with that I grab my stuff.

"She alright?" I hear Bucky murmur as I walk out and pause to hear Steve's answer of,

"I hope so," before I let the door shut and head outside to breath some much needed fresh air.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time we arrive back at Stark tower I am so tired I can barely stand and I feel as if the exhaustion is rolling off me in waves affecting everyone else too. I sigh as I grab at my bag stumbling, Nat leaping forward to steady me, Bucky and Steve both shouting but it is too late. I am plunged into her past and this time I am sick, collapsing to the floor and writhing in pain before blackness takes me.

"What the fuck happened to Mirage?" I can hear Tony's voice and I struggle to open my own even as Steve answers for me.

"Just after we found Buck, she tried to comfort him and she started seeing things," he explains lamely, I almost want to laugh at the look on Tony's face.

"It's been going on way longer than that," I say hoarsely pushing myself to a sitting position and they all round on my instantly.

"Kid, you are determined to scare the shit out of me all the time aren't you?" Tony says and I smile weakly at him, "now explain," he says and they all stand waiting for my explanation.

"Ever since the explosion at my flat I guess, maybe before I'm not sure, I guess I've always had feelings about things but the last few months I've been having these dreams and visions and they've been getting stronger and stronger and then last night when I touched their skin I saw everything, their whole pasts, I… felt, everything. The same with Nat," I finish and for a second I think he is listening until Tony rounds on Bucky.

"You," he snarls and I suddenly realise what is happening he has found out that Bucky killed his parents and he was going to kill him. I needed to stop this, my little episode may have distracted him for a second but… wait a minute, maybe if I could see things I could project them, show him how much pain it caused Bucky to do those things make him see it wasn't him and so with a scream of effort and pain I jump up before anyone can stop me and push myself in front of Bucky placing my hands on either side of Tony's face and pushing everything I had seen about Bucky into his head at the same time as receiving everything from Tony at the same time. I can hear that I am screaming, hear the yells of the others around me, feel the wet liquid dripping down my face from my nose and my ears only realising as I let go that it is blood. My legs have long since lost the ability to hold me up, and from my position on the floor, darkness quickly encroaching on me I am manage to look into Tony's shocked face.

"It wasn't him Tony, he didn't… please… don't hurt him," I whisper before I let the darkness take me completely.

"You're stupid kid," is the first thing I hear as I come round and open my eyes to see Tony staring at me, a pained expression on his face.

"Did you…?" I can't bring myself to finish the question and he sighs heavily as he sits beside me,

"How could I after what you showed me? We had a chat, water under the bridge, like you said it wasn't him, fixed his arm though," he smiles and I smile too.

"You're the best Tony," I murmur,

"I know kid, I know, now let's get you fixed before I have two super soldiers out for my blood," he jokes but I merely wince a bit and turn away.

"What is wrong with me?" I ask after a moment not really sure if I want to know the answer or not.

"We've run some tests and hacked your files, Shield have had their eye on you for a long time," he sighs.

"She in danger?" a voice asks from the doorway and I look over to see Steve and Bucky standing there, Nat and Clint filing in behind them, great a whole bloody audience, Tony looks to me and I sigh before finally nodding my head, they were all going to find out sooner or later.

"What do you remember about your childhood Addi?" Tony asks after a minute and the way he asks me makes me feel a little sick.

"My parents and my sister died when I was fifteen, in a car crash," I start and as he hangs his head I tense.

"Hydra killed them," I guess and he nods,

"Yes, when you were much younger, they took you, experimented on you, erased the memories and then released you, we're not sure why but Shield have been monitoring you ever since, coming to us seems to have set your powers into motion," he says and I can feel the tension in the room as I gaze around at the others, seeing the pain and the pity in their eyes, they all knew what it was like to some extent at least to be controlled and experimented on and tortured, at least I was in good company I guess.

"Okay," I say eventually, proud of the steadiness in my voice as I speak, "will I ever be able to touch anyone again?" I ask now feeling the others tense even more and part of me loves them even more for caring this much about me.

"I'm hoping that the visions only happen the first time you touch somebody and after that they will only appear if you want them too or you become really stressed by something but there's only one way to find out," he replies and I sigh again.

"I have to touch someone again," I answer for him and he nods as I move to try and sit up a little.

"But… you should probably rest a bit first you are weak already, kid," he continues but I shake my head insistently.

"No, I have to know or I'll never be able to rest," I say making eye contact with Steve nodding at him a tiny bit and he steps forward until he is standing next to me.

"Are you sure sweetheart?" he asks quietly and I nod, unable to stop the shaking in my fingers as I reach for his hand, that he held steadily out to me. Tentatively I touch my fingers to his and wait for the visions to engulf me, only they don't, and I choke out a sob as I almost throw myself into his arms.

"Oh thank God," I cry my head cradled firmly in the crook of his neck as he holds me tightly.

"Can I take her back to our apartment?" he asks.

"Yeah, she needs rest, we'll have to monitor her closely though her powers could still be growing," Tony answers and I can feel Steve nod as he lifts me into him and begins to move,

"Come on Buck," he adds and then we are in the lift and our apartment and my bedroom and he has put me into bed and kissed my forehead and told me to rest.

"Please don't leave me," I whimper as he moves to leave,

"I was just going to get you some water," he answers but I shake my head feeling tears welling in my eyes and he sighs, his fingers carding through my hair as he shifts closer to me.

"I'll get it," Bucky speaks up from the doorway and disappears for a moment and in that time I even out my breathing and pretend to be asleep, I'm not entirely sure why I do it, or what I hoped to gain other than more heartache, maybe I'm just a gluten for punishment.

"Here," Bucky starts but I can hear Steve shushing him as he approaches.

"She's asleep," he whispers and I hear Bucky put the glass of water down and then feel the bed dip as he sits on the other side of me.

"How long you two been together?" he asks and Steve stutters a little almost making me laugh as I imagine the blush on his cheeks, almost had the pain that, that same reaction would cause me.

"We're… we're not together," he says eventually,

"Why not, she's a swell looking doll and brave too?" Bucky asks and something about the way he speaks, his accent, makes me almost squirm a little.

"She's my best friend Buck, apart from you, all I've had… all that's kept me going," he answers.

Soon after I tune out their voice's as I try to cope with the information I had been given today. My life had never been fantastic, well since the accident, but to find out that it was a lie, to find out that she had been a prisoner, that somebody had been inside my head, I knew what that felt like now of course, having been inside Bucky's head, having felt what he felt but to know that it had happened to me. It was all too much and after I am sure they have both left and are asleep themselves I silently sit up and stare around me blankly for a while. It had been a very long time since I had a full night's sleep and I knew that sleep and I knew that no matter how exhausted I was, sleep would not be coming to me tonight. Sighing I slip silently from the room, thanking God once again for Nat's training as without it I would definitely have woken the two super soldiers. A few minutes later I find myself in the kitchen leaning heavily on the work surface my arms relishing the cool of the marble against my flushed skin as I try to focus on breathing and forgetting everything in my head. As I stand up I hear a grunting and freeze for a second before I realise that it is Bucky asleep on the sofa, moving silently towards him I can see him twitching and writhing, his face screwed up in anguish and then he screams and I'm pretty sure it rips my heart out of my chest it is so full of suffering. Without thinking I leap forward and shout for him to wake up moving to grab his arm but as soon as I do his eyes shoot open and they connect with mine. I see the fear and the coldness as the soldier takes over and his metal arm moves as if of its own accord grasping me around the neck and lifting me nearly clean off my feet.

"Buc… Bucky," I choke out and then Steve is there and Bucky is coming back to himself releasing me and dropping me gasping to the floor.

"Addi," Steve's voice is full of worry for both of us and I look up to see Bucky on the sofa trembling with his head in his hands and feel the tears well in my eyes.

"I… I'm so sorry Bucky," I whisper hoarsely and he looks up startled, his gaze shifting between the two of us as if trying to work it out.

"I…" he is unable to finish his sentence as he growls balling his hands into fists pounding at his head in self loathing.

"It was my fault," I say quickly moving to sit beside him and trying not to be deterred as he flinches away from me slightly, "I should not have startled you so, I should have known,"

"But I…" he is staring at his metal hand and then up at where I assume bruising is already appearing on my neck his eyes filled with remorse as he looks at me.

"Addi doesn't blame you Buck," Steve says gently sitting in front of us both on the coffee table.

"I think, I hope, will you let me try and stop it?" I say quietly after a while and they both look at me in confusion.

"What do you mean Addi?" Steve asks eventually as Bucky clearly doesn't know what to say.

"You're scared of being triggered aren't you Bucky, scared that they'll be able to say something to set you against Steve?" I ask and he nods a little and so I offer him a small smile, "I think that maybe I can find out what those words are and then find a way to stop it with Tony's help," I say and they both nod as I move my hands before Steve grabs one wrist and Bucky the other.

"Not tonight sweetheart, you need to sleep," Steve says and I shake my head.

"But…"

"No Addi, you're weak enough as it is, I will not have you sacrificing yourself and making yourself ill when there is no need," his voice is firm and brokers no argument and so I sigh noticing the twitch of both of their lips as I pout a little but allow Steve to pull me up and, after exchanging what I think may very well be a silent conversation with Bucky, lead me back to my room and tuck me into my bed.

Over the next few weeks life slips into a strange sort of pattern, I spend my mornings training alone with Nat and then have lunch with Steve and Bucky before I spend some time in the lab with Tony and Bruce, the boys wanted to be there but I was worried it would be too much for Bucky and so I arranged this time to be given to them to train and catch up with one another, recover as many memories as possible. It seemed that my abilities had stopped progressing, for now at least which I am thankful for and so I work instead on projecting images, which on more than one occasion causes trouble between Tony and myself, as it is he who I practice with, and I also work on digging memories out while Bruce comes up with a way of deactivating Bucky. Then I spend my evenings with wither Steve or Bucky or both of them, getting to know Bucky and annoyingly growing feelings just as strong for him as I did for Steve. I mean I knew they had always come as a package deal but give me a break here, just let one of them like me back and me only like one of them but no I had to fancy, more than fancy, both of them and neither of them saw me as anything other than a friend and team mate.

"We've done it," I yell happily as I rush down to the apartment to find Bucky and Steve and jump in between them both on the couch causing them to jerk up and look at me in shock.

"What are you talking about sweetheart?" Steve laughs as Bucky pushes me off of him,

"You're squashing my arm doll," he laughs and I mock scowl at him to cover the blush I feel at his words. He had taken to calling me doll a few days ago and it made my insides warm through, the only other person able to do that was Steve when he called me sweetheart.

"Are neither of you going to actually be excited with me?" I exclaim as I through my hands up, pretending to frustrated and they both laugh again as they indulge me.

"What is it Addi, what have you done?" Steve asks and I beam at him.

"We've worked out a way to deactivate the Winter Soldier, we can do it this afternoon," I say and they both freeze before jumping up and pulling me with them.

"Seriously? How?" Bucky asks almost afraid to be too hopeful and I smile gently at him cupping his cheek in my hand, not taking notice of how intimate this gesture is.

"I have to get in your head, find the words, they're there, buried deep, I've been training, once I've got them, I activate you and then immediately inject you with the serum Bruce has developed, it will stop them working, I don't know how I'm rubbish at science I just do what I'm told," I babble and I feel the tension in both men.

"Addi that sounds dangerous," Steve begins but I shake my head,

"It'll be fine," I assure them both and despite the doubt I can read the hope too, in their eyes and it makes my own well with tears as I pray that it really does work.

By three that afternoon the Avengers are gathered outside the lab watching through a viewing window, not even Steve allowed in, much to his chargrin, and Bucky is sitting on a table me standing in front of him between his legs. In any other situation, the position could be seen as compromising and the mere thought makes my heart speed up a little as I try to rid myself of the thoughts, even as I hear Tony wolf whistle and Clint shush him whilst Nat sniggers. I glare up at them all before nodding reassuringly, at least that is what I hope my expression is, at Steve and looking back at Bucky who is twitching nervously.

"Do you trust me Buck?" I whisper now as I stare into his eyes and his flesh hand moves to tuck a stray hair behind my ear.

"More than anyone in this world but don't tell Steve," he murmurs back and I don't bother to hide the slight flush I feel in my face at his words.

"Right well let's do this then," I sigh taking a deep breath taking his hands in my face and closing my eyes. If not for the training I would have been screaming in pain within seconds but I hold it in. Vaguely aware of the whimpers that escape me and the sounds of voices locked away in the viewing room where the others stood watching. I search for what feels like hours until I find them. The words are buried deep and my ears and nose are bleeding heavily by the time I let go and say the words, barely given a second to catch my breath and pick up the serum before that metal hand is tight around my throat and I am thrown against the wall, my head connecting so hard with it that I instantly feel sickness rise in my throat even as his hand crushes the air out of it. Shakily, I somehow raise my hand and stab him in the side with the needle. It takes perhaps two or three seconds for it to kick in and then I am on the floor and he is screaming and then there is a fuzzy silence and nothingness.

Coming to, I am aware of a soft grip on my hands, a familiar thumb stroking the back of my hand and I smile.

"Stevie," I whisper, the pain in my throat reminding me of what had happened as I try to piece it all back together.

"I'm right here sweetheart," he murmurs back to me and I tighten my grip, trying to get the energy up to open my eyes.

"Where is Bucky, is he okay? Did it work?" I ask, my voice hoarse and scratchy as I speak.

"I'm here doll, you fixed me," he whispers into my hair before pressing a soft kiss to my temple, "I'm so sorry I hurt you doll,"

"Not your fault Buck," I manage, wheezing a little as I try to speak.

"Don't speak Addi, just sleep okay, we're not going anywhere, any of us," Steve says and I smile a little again as I slip back into the first peaceful… ish sleep I had had in mnay long months.


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors note: Hey guys so I realise this is incredibly angsty at the moment and the next couple of chapters will possibly be even worse but don't worry because there is some happiness on it's way for our characters... at least for now! :)**

Rushing out of the lift I go in search of Bucky and Steve, I feel better than I had in weeks and like I finally had control over everything, Bucky was cured and no longer at risk of losing control and I was going to tell them. We were all a part of the Avenger's team now and I felt like there was a gap between us and it was my fault. They were best friends and they had each other but Steve said he was still my best friend too and Bucky had alluded to the same sort of thing and we were leaving for a mission in a few days, it should be with a clear conscience. I had to tell them how I felt, I knew they would reject me but at least I could feel that I no longer held any secrets between them. Rounding the corner I stop short, Steve and Bucky are just across the road but they are not alone agent Carter is with them, all of those insecurities flying back to me from the time she had been our neighbour and then my heart stops. My breath catches in my throat as she pulls Steve into a kiss while Bucky wolf whistles smiling widely and gazing lustfully at the woman, a strangled gasp escaping my throat and I curse myself as both super soldiers hear it even from the distance and turn to me, mouths open and I blink a couple of times before turning and walking, then running away.

I had known that it would hurt, being rejected, I just hadn't imagined that it would be this painful. I almost wish that I could go back to Hydra get them to erase my memories again, take away my knowledge of either of them, send me back to my life with Terry because it was easier. Of course, I knew now that I loved them, it had taken that for me to realise it and I hated it, so much I could barely breathe for the pain.

"Addi," Steve's voice is like a knife to my heart and I stuff my fist into my mouth to stop the sobs from breaking forth. He stays outside the door for hours as I sit against it rocking and crying and then Bucky takes over but I do not relent the pain is far too raw. I don't know what to do now.

"Addi, come on kid out now," Clint's voice is tired and concerned and I feel fresh tears well in my sore and swollen eyes as I hear it and so I stand on shaky legs and fumble with the lock letting the door swing open as I stand there staring at the ground. "Oh kid, look at the state of you, I'll kill those bastard men, super soldiers or not," he growls and it as if a switch has been pulled and I leap forward grabbing at him as he turns.

"NO!" I scream and he stops, I am just glad that I had long since experienced touching and therefore experiencing all the team's memories as I think I was too exhausted to withstand any more without collapsing. "Please Clint,"

"Look what they've done to you," he growls again but I tug him back to the bed and make him sit.

"Please Clint, it is not their doing," I say again taking a shuddering breath, "they have never done anything to make me believe that… they deserve to be happy,"

"And you think you don't?" he scoffs as he interrupts and I flinch a little.

"That's not what I meant, I… it will be better for the team this way, less complicated, I will be fine, I was being childish," I finish and he looks at me disbelievingly.

"Addi…"

"Please, I will be fine now," I cut him off and even as I say it I know it is not true, my heart, I feared, would never heal but I knew also that I would continue to function I always had before and I had friends here at least, a family.

"Okay," he sighs, standing and moving towards the door of my bedroom,

"Clint…" I say as he reaches the door and he pauses, "thank you," I whisper and he nods before leaving me alone again.

The next morning we leave for Europe, some Hydra base that is rumoured to hold Loki's sceptre, and as I get up and get dressed to leave I know that I look awful. My sleep has been, well, there hasn't been much of it and I am pale and tense. I had not seen either Bucky or Steve since that day, making Clint and Nat tell them all I was just a little ill.

Stepping onto the quinjet both Steve and Bucky look up at me tense and unsure, they know I'm not ill, and it breaks my heart again that they look so hurt that I am not talking to them and that makes me angry. Angry that I loved them too much to feel truly angry at them and angry that I loved them so much I just wanted them to be happy even if it broke me. I had fixed Bucky and I had helped to fix Steve and together they had broken me, ironic isn't it.

"I'm fine, feeling much better," I say quietly before either of them can speak and the fact that they don't say anything is enough to show me that they don't believe me and that they clearly don't share my feelings, well at least that removes all doubts I guess. The journey is quiet and tense and the mission goes off without a hitch, we get what we came for and we all get out, although Clint is injured. I sit with him on the journey home and I go with him and wait while the cradle fixes him, unable to join in the playful banter going on around me but listening none the less.

It's a week later when they are holding the party and Clint and Nat are forcing me to go despite the fact that I wanted to curl up and die but I knew that was selfish, being worried about me was affecting them all and they did not deserve it, after all they hadn't asked for her to fall in love with two super soldiers, all they had ever done was care for her and look after her and she owed it to them to be better. Standing in front of the mirror I sigh quietly, willing the, now for too present tears away, and take a deep breath as I step towards the apartment door and out to the lift. Bucky and Steve had headed up to the party an hour or so ago and it was time I joined them. My dress is a simple black one, that should cling to all my curves, I was too curvy, I always had been in my opinion but they were disappearing fairly quickly, one good thing about heartbreak is a loss of appetite, silver linings and all that. My hair is loose and waving naturally down to the bottom of my back, I really should get it cut soon, and my makeup is simple, enough to cover the dark circles under my eyes and some red lipstick. As I enter the party I studiously avoid Steve and Bucky as much as I can making sure I make polite conversation with the other guests.

Exhaustion is washing over me as the party dwindles down and I am so tired of avoiding the two of them that I finally decide that I should just speak to them and begin to rebuild our friendship. By now it is only the team left and so taking a final gulp of vodka and coke I turn from the bar and freeze as I see Bucky flirting shamelessly with Dr Cho. Hitching a little gasp I back silently away and jump in the elevator back to my room, how could I have been so stupid. I couldn't do this, I couldn't live here, with them and not have them, it was too hard, I had fixed them and now it was time to go. Getting to my room I throw my hair up into a messy bun and grabbing a bag begin to throw my belongings into it when an explosion nearly throws me off my feet.

Grabbing my gun I race to my front door but before I even reach it Tony's robots fly through the windows showering me with glass as they do so and begin to attack. I fight, hard, but I am on my own and not strong enough and when I freeze them I am only able to get to the door and wrench it open when a sudden pain radiates through my skull and everything goes black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Third person POV**

The group quickly pick themselves up and head to the lab to work out what has gone on.

"He's destroyed everything, all of our files it's all gone," Natasha says as she taps away at one of the computers.

"He said he killed someone, there was no one else here," Steve says in confusion and Tony sighs shaking his head.

"Yes there was," he says quietly as he brings up a display of Jarvis, broken and in pieces.

"This is insane," Bruce begins and is about to continue when Bucky interrupts,

"Where's Addi?" he asks suddenly and they all look around, worry increasing as she doesn't make herself known.

"Did anyone see her up, was she fighting with us?" Clint asks, concern lacing his words now and they shake their heads.

"She was not fighting with us, I do not remember seeing her after the main guests left us," Thor chips in.

"But if she went back to the apartment then surely she would have heard, she would have come up…" Steve is already running to the stairwell the others close behind him before Tony can finish speaking.

Reaching the door to the apartment they see it open and bursting through they suck in a breath as they observe the broken apartment.

"Addi," Steve yells as he rushes through the apartment, but it is silent and empty and cold.

"Dollface, where are you?" Bucky shouts as he throws open her bedroom door. Moving through the room he notices that her bag is out and half packed, he looks up at the noise behind him and see's Steve and Nat behind him, "she was packing to leave," he says quietly his voice barely above a whisper, confusion lacing his words.

"She's gone, there's blood by the front door, we think… we think Ultron has her, Tony and the others have gone to try and fix the systems and track her," Natasha explains as Bucky sinks down onto the bed, Steve still rigidly standing in the doorway.

"Why was she packing?" Steve says eventually and both men look up startled as Nat laughs, an angry, derisive laugh.

"You honestly don't know?" she almost hisses making both men wince a little as they shake their heads. "She's in love with you, you absolute fuck wits!" she spits at them.

"What?" Bucky splutters as Steve backs almost into the wall,

"We're best friends," he says quietly and she very nearly snarls at them.

"Get a fucking clue, I'm going to try and find her and you better hope that she is in once piece when we get her back or I won't be the only one gunning for you," and then she's gone and the two men are left in silence. Their shaky breaths are the only sound in the room for a long time as they try to process what has happened, what they've been told.

"I've been so stupid," Steve says eventually sinking to the floor suddenly and rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

"I ruined everything, if I hadn't…" Bucky begins but Steve cuts him off quickly.

"No Buck, I messed this up long before we found you, I should have known, should have seen," he sighs heavily.

"You don't feel the same then?" Bucky asks quirking an eyebrow at his friend and Steve looks up sharply.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Saw you with that Carter dame," he replies,

"We talked about that Buck, she… no," he replies supressing a tiny shudder at the thought.

"Then why not Addi?"

"I… but we're…"

"Friends, I know Stevie, but the best relationships start as great friendships, what's the problem then? Not pretty enough?"

"She's beautiful, perfect," Steve says defensively cutting off Bucky and ignoring his smirk, "she's… she's perfect, and brave and selfless and… oh God Buck I've messed up," he groans and Bucky nods sagely.

"So have I though mate so have I,"

"How do you feel about her then?" Steve asks now looking up at his best friend.

"I've loved since before I even knew her," he replies simply and Steve blanches a little choking on a gasp.

"I don't…" he starts, struggling to get out the right words.

"She wrote me a note, must have frozen me and stuck it my pocket when I pulled you out of the water, before I…" he trails off,

"Before you what?" Steve says standing now and facing Bucky,

"I hit her Stevie, those injuries you told me she got jumping out of the plane, I did that to her," he sighs and Steve feels his stomach churn a little as he realises that she had once again lied to him to try and protect his feelings.

"What note?" he asks suddenly remembering what else Bucky had said,

"Here," Bucky says standing up and pulling out his wallet and handing over the crumpled piece of paper from inside it before sitting down again on the edge of her bed, his fingers absent-mindedly playing with the fabric over her favourite top which had fallen out of the bag she had been packing.

"Bucky, come back to us…" Steve begins reading out loud but Bucky interrupts him, having long ago memorised the words that had changed his life.

"Stop running, Steve needs you and I think I might too, Love Addi," his voice cracks at the end and he buries his head in his hands, "she saved me Stevie, she made me stop running, she brought me home and I have loved her ever since I first read those words,"

"You never said," Steve whispers as he sinks onto the bed beside Bucky, "why did you never go for it?"

"I've changed Stevie, I'm not… I could see she loved you and I never felt worthy, I was scared I'd hurt her, I did hurt her,"

"I think we've both hurt her," Steve comments dryly, "so what do we do about it, we both love her, who gets her?"  
"That's assuming she still wants either of us, or that we get her back," he has barely finished speaking when Steve has him against the wall anger and fear rolling off him in waves,

"Don't say that, we'll get her home," he growls and Bucky nods quickly,

"Of course we will Stevie," he replies sighing slightly as Steve lets go of him, "then we show her just what it's like to be loved properly," he adds and it is Steve's turn to sigh.

"I don't know Buck," he says as he begins pacing the room.

"Stevie, remember back when we were in Italy, when we both thought we fancied Peggy?" Steve nods smiling a tiny bit at the memory, the smile fading as he remembers being in the bunker with Addi, how she had commented on the picture of Peggy and how he had done nothing to let her know that she was beautiful too. "We talked about sharing, if we found the right dame,"

"I told Addi about that, she laughed and said that someone we thought was the right dame wouldn't go in for that," Steve replies with a little smile.

"So we prove her wrong then," Bucky smiles as if it's simple.

"She's been so hurt though Buck, before we came along and completely wrecked it, her ex, he, he wasn't a good guy," Steve tries to explain.

"Then we fix it Stevie, she fixed us and now we fix her," Bucky growls and Steve eventually nods.

"Guess we need to go get our girl back then," he says with the tiny hint of a smile, trying to cover just how desperate he felt and Bucky walks up to him pulling him into a tight hug,

"No more secrets mate, she deserves better than either of us, but she's picked us so we get her home and we do our best to be worthy of her," he mutters and Steve nods, gulping as they separate and move through the apartment, trying not to look at the pool of blood by the door. She would be alright, she had to be.

"Capsicle, Frosty," Tony greets and Bucky growls at him,

"Calm down Bucky, we've got something," Natasha says immediately Steve gives her a grateful nod as they walk towards the display.

"Looks like she's may be here, there's a warehouse if we get there quickly we could get her out but there's a problem," Bruce explains.

"What is it?" Steve asks and Tony looks round,

"Looks like the freaky twins have joined Ultron, it's not going to be easy getting past them… but we will," he adds hastily as he sees both soldiers tense.

"Let's move then, I'm not leaving her there any longer than I have to," Bucky growls and strides towards the door, Steve and the others close behind him.

"You're not the only one that cares about the kid frosty," Tony says quietly and a little tendril of guilt grips his at both men's hearts as they realise that every member of this team had treated their girl better than they had, even if they did get her back, it wasn't going to be easy.

"So you come to your senses?" Clint asks as they sit silently and tensely in the back of the jet ten minutes later, willing it to move quicker and at the same dreading what they would find.

"What do you mean?" Steve asks quietly not looking him in the eye and trying to ignore the extra stiffness in Bucky's stance beside him.

"You know what I mean," Clint comments his face just as serious as it ever was, "I always thought that you two… you know," he adds with a little smirk as they both look at him a little startled.

"No," they both say simultaneously, making Natasha laugh from where she is listening.

"So did you decide?" she asks,

"Decide what?" Bucky asks,

"Who is going to try and win the girl?" she laughs and they both tense realising for the first time that their plan, what they had always talked about, sharing her would probably not be seen in the best light by others, even if they were living in a different and more modern world.

"Guy's we live in a world where we are separate from the public, and none of us have exactly conventional lives or relationships, we don't care, just look after her or we'll kill you," Tony says and everyone on the plane is silent for a while at Tony's unexpected kindness and wisdom.

"Thank you," Steve murmurs after a moment, feeling quite emotional.

"We'll get her back Stevie, I know we will," Bucky whispers to him and he nods as he bows his head, feeling sicker than he had since he had first seen Bucky back from the dead.


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors note:** **A few changes to perspectives here again so that I could get everything in but it will be back to a first person perspective as of the next chapter, until I decide I need to change it again that is! Also I think that we'll finally get to a bit of fluff in the next chapter, it has been very angsty so far and all three of them deserve at least a short respite from it. Oh, and thanks so much for the lovely reviews keep them coming in with any suggestions you have and I'll see what I can do :)**

 **Addison's POV again**

When I first wake up I am aware of pain, my whole body hurt and for a long time that is all I could feel, I could focus on being aware of. I lose count of how many times I lose consciousness and wake to find new wounds. Coldness is beginning to seep into my bones through the thin fabric of my dress, my shoes having been taken and my wrists and ankles tied too tightly to the chair I was sitting on. Hope had drifted away almost immediately and whilst I prayed that Steve and Bucky and the others would come for me, I didn't really believe that they were able to rescue me or that I deserved it.

"And to think they thought their little experiment failed," the robot/man thing sneers as he steps closer to me and then the girl is in my brain again projecting images and I am trying to force her out. I realise really quickly that she is trying to find out about their weaknesses and so I fight to push her away.

"I won't make it easy," I scream hoarsely, feeling the blood flowing from my nose as I push her probing from me again.

"She's in love with the soldiers," the girls says, her accent thick and then fresh pain rolls through me as I knife is stabbed into my thigh,

"Weaken her more or she'll never give anything, her memories need to be unlocked," it speaks again and it is then that I decide that I wasn't going to speak again, or scream or cry, if I could help it. I would die before I gave them anything. I had put up with worse and I would just take myself back there and so I did.

I shut my eyes and took myself back to London, I was with Terry before I ever met the Avengers and I stay there. Every time they hit me or hurt me or she tries to get in my head all I can see, all she can see is Terry, us stealing, him hurting me, me running away. I'm not sure how long I am there but I can feel her resolve crack, feel her stop wanting to hurt me and I hear them come for me. I'm not sure how I know it's them even, it's like even though I know I'll never have them as soon as Steve or Bucky are anywhere near me I can feel safer. It's ridiculous, I'm dying, I know that but I feel safer suddenly and so I know they're here and that she will mess with them if I don't do something and so I reach out as she moves twitching my bleeding fingers and somehow grasping her wrist and force everything that I can remember into her head of my life and take everything from hers. She screams and her screams mingle with my own as she pushes me away finally and my chair tilts back and my head connects with the floor and blackness takes me quickly.

 **Third person POV**

The place is dark as the Avengers enter and before long come face to face with Ultron, or at least the current body he is using, and the twins. The girl looks awful, tears were in her eyes and she was being supported by her brother as they stand talking. All too soon though the fighting starts and whilst she is too hurt or too tired to fight the others she makes her brother take her outside and she manages to affect Bruce, setting the hulk free on the city and Tony and Thor after him.

"Addi," the screams echo around the now empty ship as Bucky, Steve, Nat and Clint search it for her.

"I can't hear her," Bucky is yelling over the coms and it is difficult to listen to the panic in his voice, a super soldier reduced to a panicked wreck by a woman, who thought she was insignificant.

"She has to be here," Steve responds, determination fighting with his own worry.

"Oh Jesus," Clint's voice is rough as he opens the door and sees her the words slip out and he almost wished they hadn't as he hears the litany of pleas and shouts in response to his words and soon after footsteps and he is still standing in the doorway, looking at the broken body in front of him. She is deathly pale, a stark contrast to the bright red of the blood that seemed to coat not only her but every available surface.

"Oh fuck, no," the words are whispered and so full of pain that he visibly winces as Bucky pushes past him and drops to his knees beside her his hands fumbling and failing to untie her wrists and ankles that are still tied to the chair until Steve drops to her other side and takes over. The ropes have cut deeply into her skin and Clint has to fight not to vomit as they peel the ropes away from her. Bucky's flesh hand shaking as it attempts to brush her matted hair from her face.

"Addi, come on doll, stay with us," he whispers and still Clint stands motionless in the doorway.

"Tony what's your status?" he hears Natasha say into her own ear piece.

"Got the big guy, he's back to being a little guy, bringing him back with Goldilocks now, what's going on there?"

"We've found her… it's… not good," she replies her voice softer than he has heard it in a long time.

"Shit! We'll be there in five, get her to the jet," Clint turns back to the two men leaning over the broken little body at this and tries to step forward, briefly wondering when he started seeing her as his own child, someone he wanted to protect as fiercely as he did his own children.

"Come on sweetheart, Addi, please, open your eyes," Steve is pleading quietly now and bless her Clint can see her eye's flickering slightly, trying to ease the pain she can hear in their voices he thinks.

"Stevie… Buck?" her voice is so tiny it is barely audible but it wrenches some sort of gasping sob from either one or both of the men before her.

"Yes, we're here dollface, we've got you, you're safe now," Bucky manages eventually as Steve gently picks her up, cradling her beaten limbs as he carries her into the light and it is probably good that he does because as soon as they are in the light Bucky leans over a vomits. Clint and Natasha are following and when Clint glances over Natasha looks like paler than usual too. He wonders why Bucky, the super soldier reacts like this until he realises that he has lived through similar torture more recently than the rest and he suddenly feels more sorry for him.

"Where is she… oh fuck," Tony exclaims landing and dropping Bruce as he falls beside her where she is still cradled in Steve's arms, "oh kid, I told you to stop trying to scare the shit out of me," he mutters before looking up into the taught face of Steve and then Bucky's face which is twisted in misery and guilt. "Bring her over here, I have a smaller version of the cradle on board, we can get her stable," he says and Steve follows silently and obediently behind him, Bucky inches behind him.

"There's been no official call for Banner's arrest but the people are calling for it, and there's a lot of sound on you guys too, you need to stay away from here until you find Ultron," Maria Hill says and Natasha nods as the link cuts off and she shoots a concerned look at Bruce.

"You want me to take over for a while?" Tony asks as he approaches Clint who is flying the jet.

"No, I'm good, settle in and look after Addi, we've got a while yet til we get there," he replies and Tony quirks an eyebrow his gaze shifting back towards the injured girl despite he focus on Clint's words.

"Where?"

"The safe house," Clint replies shortly.

"How is she Stark?" Thor asks speaking more quietly than he ever had in the face of what has happened, haunted by the sight of her, the two super soldiers so desperate and for the first time in a long time panicking about his family, his home.

"The mini cradle is healing the worst wounds at the moment, physically she'll live it's the emotional turmoil I'm worried about," Tony replies with a heavy sigh and the two spies stay silent for a while.

"She's strong," Natasha says after a while and they are not sure whether she is trying to reassure them or herself.

 **Addison's POV**

"She's going to be okay isn't she Buck?" Steve whispers as his fingers trace my hand and arm so gently I almost can't feel it. I can hear everything they are saying but I don't have the strength to open my eyes, or move, I barely have it in me to breath and I want to hate them for making me still love them but I hurt too much, I am numb to it all now. At least that's what I hope.

"We got her back Stevie, we'll fix her, I… we'll do whatever it takes," Bucky murmurs back to him and I feel the coolness of his metal fingers ghosting over my face before settling gently in my hair.

"I can't lose her Buck… I can't" Steve breaks off and I so desperately want to open my eyes and see their faces, ask what they're talking about but I can't.

"I know Stevie, me neither, we need to tell her… show her," this is all too much to handle and so I tune it out and as Terry's face a shudder rolls through me so violently that it forces a yelp of pain from my throat as my body convulses slightly.

"Hey, hey it's okay princess, we've got you, you're safe," Steve's voice washes over me as his hand joins Bucky's metal one resting gently on my forehead whilst the other one takes my hand fingers gripping mine tightly as I feel my breath even out.

I'm not sure how long it is before I wake to feel the jet landing, all I do know is that I still feel too heavy and exhausted to even open my eyes and it worries me. I'm becoming more than a little scared that I am going to be stuck in my head forever, unable to move or even open my eyes, just hear what is happening around me, in fact it terrifies me so much that I shiver a little. Well at least I know I can still shiver then, as soon as I do I feel something draped over me and by the smell of it, it's Steve's jacket, I suppose I must still be wearing the dress for the party, no wonder it's cold and at that thought I shiver again, feeling myself pulled into someone's lap, my head being cradled under somebody's chin, I know it's Bucky. It's strange how you can be so in love with someone that even without being 'with' them you memorise every smell, every little tick, every habit and it's even crazier that I've managed to do that with two very elusive and secretive men.

"I've got you babydoll, I've got you," he is murmuring the words over and over again into my hair as he pulls Steve's coat more tightly around me and rocks me.

"Come on we're here," Steve's voice is quiet as I feel his hand rest in my hair for a second longer before he moves.

"Where is here exactly?" Tony's voice almost shouts from somewhere in front of us.

"Safe house," is Clint's blunt reply and then we are walking, well I am being carried by Bucky and I can feel Steve close beside us. I count as we walk, listening to the footsteps of the others, distinguishing between them and working out how many of us were here. I can hear Thor's heavy tread, I know Tony and Clint are here as I have heard them speak, the same for Steve and Bucky and as I listen I can here Bruce's laboured and troubled step behind us but there is something else, I strain to hear it and after a while I do. Nat was here too, her tread so light I almost didn't hear it at all, probably wouldn't have if it weren't for her standing close to Bruce as if helping him. I would have to tell her that her training was working and I could tell all of that when I could move and speak, if I ever could.

"Honey, I'm home," Clint calls and I want to open my eyes more than ever now, I had seen this place in his memories, seen his wife and his children and I was desperate to see something beautiful and normal, it was one of the things that I had always clung to, something that helped me through the darker times because it gave me hope. Maybe it would help me through this too if I could ever bloody open my eyes. I can hear Tony muttering something about an agent and mini agents behind me, hear the kids talking to Nat and I want to smile.

"What's wrong?" a female voice I don't know asks,

"Addi, she… she took a…" Clint breaks off unable to finish even as I feel Steve tense beside me and Bucky pull me closer to his chest.

"Come on, up here," she says without hesitation, and the next thing I know I am being placed on a comfortable bed, blankets being pulled over me. A sudden fear washes over me that Steve and Bucky would leave and I use every ounce of strength that I had left to speak and I manage to even open my eyes for all of about twenty seconds.

"Stevie… Bucky… please… don't leave," I feel angry at how pathetic I sound but there's not much I could do about it at the moment. I wanted to be strong, to stay away from them to save myself more hurt but I couldn't do it at the moment. She had been so far inside my head that for a long time I lost all hope of anything and right now I needed to cling to any kind of comfort I could.

"We're right here doll," Bucky says immediately as I feel him lay on the bed beside me my hand in his.

"Not going anywhere sweetheart, never leaving your side again, I promise," Steve whispers laying on the other side of me and taking my other hand and I sigh as I feel warm and safe for the first time in… I don't know how long.

"Huh, lucky girl," I hear a female voice say from the doorway,

"They've still got a lot to prove," Clint grumbles and that's the last thing I hear as I finally sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note: Finally some unbearable fluff to keep them going :)**

The warmth and safety that I feel surrounding me makes me snuggle down, burrowing deeper into the pillow that seems to be… breathing. Eyes flying open I see Bucky and Steve on the bed with me sleeping soundly and that is when everything comes rushing back to me and I sit up gasping as the images once again assault my mind, my fingers gripping the blankets so tightly it hurts as I fight not to scream.

"Addi, sweetheart, it's okay you're safe now,"

"I can't... breathe," I gasp out my fingers still clinging to and ripping at the sheets. Suddenly a cool metal hand grabs mine forcefully and places it over a very bare male chest.

"Look at me Addi," Bucky says his other hand forcing my face to round until my eyes meet his, "feel my heartbeat baby, feel it and breathe," he says, repeating the words as my gaze lands on his chest watching it rise and fall under my fingers and finally I start gulping in air. Eventually my senses start to come back to me and as my body sags it falls back against another solid chest and Steve's arms wrap themselves firmly around my waist his fingers tracing patterns on my skin and encouraging me silently to relax as Bucky continues to hold one of my hands to his chest and the other in his gentle grip.

I open my mouth to speak but I can't, every insecurity that I had ever had, that she had pushed into my head came flying back and as much as I automatically miss their contact I pull away from them, curling in on myself, just shaking my head and closing my eyes against their hurt expressions. But they pull away, ever the gentlemen I guess, quietly slipping off of the bed and somehow knowing that I didn't want to be alone, or have them too close, which must have confused them because I know it was confusing the fuck out of me. They seem to take it in shifts to be in the room with me, Bucky more often than not while Steve was sorting out mission stuff, trying to find Ultron I guess. Every now and then Clint or Nat come to see me and even Tony has been up to sit with me but I don't talk to anyone, I can't. Bruce has checked on my injuries and the cradle has healed the major ones, I was weak but he says I should heal physically within the next few days, although that may have something to do with the blood I got from both Bucky and Steve, super soldier healing helped a lot when you'd been tortured. What he didn't say, but I knew they were all thinking is that they were worried about my mental state, hell I was worried about my mental state. I couldn't speak to anyone, I couldn't get out of my head, I couldn't trust anyone and I hated myself for it, that girl had got inside my head and destroyed everything and I didn't know how to get out of it.

I'm not sure how many days go by while we're lying low, I know that I spend all my time in bed, I sleep, I wake up screaming, Steve and Bucky comfort me, I push them away, I sit in silence trapped in my head. It's an almost comfortable pattern now, even if I do hate it.

"Right this ends now," Nat says slamming the door shut and locking us in away from both of my super soldiers which makes me panic instantly, I had never been scared of her before but right now, backed up against the wall and with her advancing on me, I'm fucking terrified. "She got in your head yes?" she asks when she is only a foot from me and I nod even as I hear the pounding on the door.

"Addi, Nat let us in," Steve's voice is forceful and slightly strained.

"No Steve, Addi and I are having a little girl time, she's fine," she calls back her eyes never leaving mine, "time to stop Addi, time to come back to us now," and I break. All it takes is those few well-placed words from a woman who I knew had been through exactly the same, worse than me, I had seen it all after all. I slide down the wall my entire body convulsing with sobs as she holds me tightly and rocks me gently.

"Addi," Bucky sounds desperate now and I am worried they would break the door down.

"No, fuck off for a bit both of you, I promise to get you when she's ready," Nat yells and after a moment the banging stops and I continue to cry.

"I… I don't know how," I stutter eventually, my voice hoarse and croaky from lack of use.

"To trust?" she guesses and I nod my head again, so thankful that she understands me, understands this.

"Them," I add and she knows what I mean and sighs a little before pulling me up and putting me to bed.

"You're a spy Addi, figure out a way to find out how they really feel," she whispers and I close my eyes as she leaves, feeling saner than I had since they pulled me out. I lie there for a long time trying to work out what to do, my breath even and balanced while Bucky sits beside me, I can tell it's him without opening my eyes, as I always can.

"How's she doing?" Steve whispers as he comes in and sits in a chair as I listen to him taking off his shoes before moving to sit on the other side of me, his fingers ghosting over the skin of my arm and I suddenly realise that maybe I could get my answers the way I had before, by pretending to be asleep and so I murmur a little and make a show of stretching a bit, feeling both men freeze, before I settle down and even out my breathing again.

"She seems to be sleeping better than she has since we found her," Bucky whispers back and I give myself a tiny internal high five that I had convinced them.

"Buck… what if we never get her back?" Steve asks and he sounds so broken it makes my insides ache.

"Don't say it Stevie, we will get her back, we won't give up on her not ever, just like she never gave up on us," Bucky replies.

"I love her Bucky and I never told her, I was too blind to see until it was…"

"It's not too late Stevie, you'll tell, her when she's ready to hear it and so will I," Bucky interrupts and my heart is beating so rapidly that I almost forget to breathe for a second.

"When we were talking before and we said that we would both be with her, both love her all together, what if she doesn't want that, what is doesn't want either of us?" Steve's naivety and fear is audible and it takes all I have not to roll over and pull him to me. How could I ever have doubted these men; I should never have let her make me doubt them. They had never once lied to me or let me down, sure they had broken my heart a bit but that hadn't been intentional, they clearly regretted it too.

"It would be no less than we deserve for the way we've treated her but we fight for her and if she still doesn't want us then we give her our blessing and we act as two best friends would because if we love her enough then we'll let her go and be happy with someone else," Bucky answers but he sounds as if he may be sick saying it, I can almost hear his jaw clenching and my own stomach roils at the idea of being away from either of them, ever again, which is another problem, for another time.

When I wake from the nightmares this time it's different. The images are the same, the pain is the same and they comfort me in the same way but I don't push them away this time. Instead I hold them closer to me.

"Please don't leave me," I whimper into Bucky's chest as I pull him forcefully towards where I am cradled against Steve, a solid wall of muscle at my back.

"Never Addi," he whispers back to me sounding startled that I had spoken for the first time in over a week.

"I love you," I say now sucking in a breath as I say it for the first time and he pulls me out of Steve's arms and fully into his own as he crushes me to him repeatedly kissing my head and neck as I try to calm my heart which feels like it may explode.

"Even after everything you've been through you're still braver than either of us babydoll," he whispers and I offer a watery giggle and the way his face lights up at the sound makes me feel like I have had a weight lifted from my shoulders, "I love you too Addi," he says now kissing me suddenly and taking my breath away until I feel Steve step off the bed and I panic completely thinking that he had changed his mind and so I pull away from Bucky, realising too late that no matter what had happened to Bucky he would always be the more confident one.

"Stevie, no please, oh God please don't leave," I almost yell launching myself at him and glad that his super soldier reflexes allow him to catch me as I wrap myself around him, "I love you Steve, so much, please, please," I whisper and I actually feel like I may throw up now my heart is pounding so hard against my ribcage. For a long time, he says nothing his head buried in the crook of my neck, his arms wrapped almost painfully tight around me.

"I love you too sweetheart," he whispers into my ear so quietly I almost don't hear him,

"Really?" I ask breathlessly as I pull away to stare him in the eye and his face breaks into a smile that is happier than I have seen him look since that night we had shared everything with one another all those months ago.

"More than you could ever know," he replies before leaning forward and kissing me softly, a kiss that is full of love and longing that it nearly makes me pass out. Fuck I was in trouble with these two if this is how a kiss could make me feel.

"Come on baby girl time to sleep," Bucky says gently from the bed and I can see him share a grin of contentment with Steve as he carries me back to the bed and settles me between them, and I feel like I have finally found my way home.


	15. Chapter 15

Waking up the next morning I feel more rested and comfortable than I had for a long time, for some reason last night the nightmares hadn't returned and I was able to actually sleep. I can't remember the last time I really slept but I do know that I feel like I can think straight for the first time in a really long time as I stretch and open my eyes.

"Morning doll," Bucky says, his voice husky with sleep and I can almost hear the smirk in his voice as he says it.

"Morning," I whisper back as I turn my head to face him and my breath hitches a little when he leans forward and kisses me suddenly.

"Too early," a voice murmurs behind me as two strong arms wrap around me and pull me against a very firm body.

"I need to speak to you, both of you," I whisper after a moments silence and that seems to wake both men up quickly as I move to sit up taking a breath. I loved them and they loved me, that I knew even if it did confuse me and, well, I'll figure out how that's going to work later but right now…

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Steve asks, open concern visible on his beautiful face, oh boy this is going to be harder than I thought.

"I… erm… I… when…" I break off to clear my throat a little and Bucky immediately shifts forwards slightly to take my hand in his as Steve watches me fretfully.

"Tell us doll, you can tell us anything," Bucky whispers,

"She did something… when I heard you break in I knew she'd mess with your heads like she had been trying to do with me and so I forced myself into her head and… I don't know but something happened," I break off again as I try to put into words what was happening to me.

"What happened sweetheart?" Steve asks now and I look up at him desperately, trying to convey to him how much of this I didn't understand.

"I… I don't know," I stutter pathetically, "but I feel different, like something has changed, like there is something else in my head that I can't get out," I trail off by the end avoiding their eyes as I twist my hands nervously only stopping when Bucky's flesh hand stills them suddenly.

"We'll figure it out baby, whatever it is we'll figure it out together," he whispers and my breath is caught between hitching and sighing.

"There is one good thing though," I say with a tiny smile, "I got in her head too, I felt her give up, I felt her stop believing in him, I think… I think that she is ready to switch to our side," I finish and gasp a little as Steve jumps off the bed pulling a top on quickly.

"Sorry sweetheart, I need to tell the others that though," he says kissing me quickly before jumping up and pulling on his clothes before rushing back to kiss me again, his face so full of love for me that it makes me want to cry and then he is gone, down the stairs again.

"So," Bucky says after a moment and I turn to see him gazing at me, a slight apprehension in his eyes that I have never noticed before.

"What is it?" I ask shifting closer to him and he sighs a tiny amount as he pulls me towards him settling himself against the headboard of the bed with me in his lap.

"I just wanted… needed to know that you meant it," he says quietly and I stare at him in confusion.

"Meant what?" I ask after a short pause and instead of answering me immediately he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and spends a few minutes tracing my features watching and smiling as I shudder slightly at his touch.

"That you loved me, loved both of us," I smile as he watches me and leaning forward I kiss him hesitantly.

"I have loved you both for a long time," I whisper before pausing wondering how to word what I needed to ask, "I know that this is the wrong time, what with everything that is… you know but…" I trail off a little and his fingers stroke patterns across my skin as he tries to ease the tension I could feel building in me.

"What is it babydoll?" he asks quietly,

"What… I mean how… are we going to… you know… with all of us? How is it going to work?" I ask feeling myself flush with embarrassment.

"I don't know Addi but we'll work it out, right now the only important thing is that we make it up to you," he murmurs into my lips as he kisses me again.

"You haven't done anything wrong though," I reply, feeling my forehead wrinkle slightly in a frown of confusion.

"We hurt you doll, we need to make up for that," he answers as if it is simple.

"But it wasn't your fault, you didn't mean to you have both been kinder to me than any other man in my life," I say immediately regretting it as he tenses slightly but luckily before he can question me further the door opens and Steve is back in the room smiling warmly at us.

"Do you think you're ready to come talk to the team sweetheart?" he asks as he sits on the edge of the bed facing us and I glance between them before nodding slowly.

"Okay," I whisper,

"Come on then let's get this done, so we can get back home and start living," Bucky says confidently and we both smile at him as we move silently towards the door and down the stairs.

"Addi," Nat smiles hugging me tightly, "see you figured it out," she whispers, grinning as I feel myself flush scarlett.

"Hey kid, how you feeling?" Clint says as he pulls me to him and I hug him back just as tightly.

"Better, thanks," I smile at him, before Steve pulls me gently to sit between Bucky and him at the table.

The next two hours drift by in a haze of talking and arguing about what to do next, how to get Ultron and I am beginning to feel exhaustion wash through me, my entire body getting tingly and slightly numb until suddenly I feel like I am being sucked through a hole again and whilst I see images played out before my eyes, a city in the sky, robots everywhere, people screaming there is something else too and then everything is gone and I am standing in an empty space the girl from before standing in front of me looking scared.

"I'm sorry," she says, and I nod, not knowing what else to do or say, not understanding any of this. "I… we… my brother and I were so angry, it was a Stark bomb that killed our parents, Ultron, he… he made us think… I saw what he was planning, we want to help stop it," she stutters and I stand there silently watching her for a while.

"Where can we meet?" I say eventually,

"You believe me?" she asks almost seeming shocked that I do and I feel myself smiling a little.

"I can see into your head," I reply and she nods a little,

"I think we're the same," she says after a moment and I start a little in shock,

"How?" I ask and she shakes her head,

"I don't know but I saw… something, I think maybe we were at hydra at the same time and I think that maybe we share more than just visions and telepathy," she answers and I nod.

"I guess we need to figure that out later," I sigh, "where do we meet then?" I add and she thinks for a moment.

"New York, you'll know where," she says and before I can reply things are becoming shimmery and I am blinking up at Steve and Bucky's worried faces.

"I know what to do," I say in a hoarse whisper before passing out.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I know, I know, it's been forever, I'm so sorry, I've been working on several other stories and have been suffering a bit of writers block with a few of them and then obviously with infinity war coming out there has been too many ideas swirling around and so I need to get the story moving without skipping too much etc. So, with that in mind, here is a little fluffy stop gap to get us moving again and hopefully it won't be so long between updates next time. As always please read and review I love hearing your ideas and opinions and it means so much to know you are enjoying my work.**

The next morning I am sitting between them as we begin our journey back to New York trying to avoid the worried glances that Bucky and Steve keep sending my way. The journey is a long one and it is made longer by the fact that every couple of minutes one of them will ask if I am okay.

"I'm fine," I explode after the twentieth time before feeling instantly guilty, "I promise," I add more quietly, shooting a glare at Natasha who is laughing at me.

"We just worry about you Addi," Bucky admonishes and I smile at him squeezing his fingers,

"I know and its why I love you, both of you but you're driving me insane right now," I say and he laughs a little and even Steve smiles although he still looks broody.

"This is going to be hilarious," Tony murmurs from somewhere near the front of the jet as he watches the two super soldiers try to obey her whilst never leaving her side.

I am jolted awake by the movement of the jet landing and groan a little as I open my eyes and try to move wavering on my feet slightly as I steady myself against a solid warmth that I realise is Bucky as I turn slightly to look at him.

"You alright there dollface?" he asks quietly and I smile weakly at him as I nod,

"Yeah just tired," I answer as I take another step forward and stumble again before gasping as I am swept up into his arms and held firmly against his chest. "Bucky, put me down, I can walk you know I'm an Avenger in case you didn't realise I have helped to save the world," I exclaim and I feel his laughter rumbling in his chest even as I hear Steve's from beside us.

"Don't think we care sweetheart, hero or not you're still ours and we get to treat you like the princess you are," Steve murmurs his hand briefly settling in her hair before he strides off ahead of us.

The tower is bustling with life until we get into the lift and the three of us are silent as we ride up to our apartment, Bucky still holding me in his arms and it is not until the doors ping open that the memories of the last time I was here bombard me I tense and move to bury my head in Bucky's shoulder but not before I catch sight of the blood pool by the door. My blood, my kidnap, my torture. A shudder rolls through me as I am assaulted by the images of those hours.

"Hey Doll, baby it's okay, we're here, you're safe," Bucky whispers, "we need to get her out of here, a different apartment, call Stark," he says now and I just let out a pathetic whimper as I try to pull myself together but I am weak still and the images flashing before my eyes are too strong.

"Tony, we need somewhere to stay… yeah it's too much… the blood… we can't stay here… thanks," I hear the phone being shut off and then the warmth of his body is suddenly directly in front of me, sandwiching me between himself and Bucky and it instantly relaxes me.

"What did he say?" Bucky asks as I feel him shift slightly, his metal arm whirring as he adjusts his hold on me.

"We'll go up to the rec room, Tony will have us a new apartment by tonight," he replies, his lips finding my shoulder and sending burning warmth through the layers of clothing and making me smile against Bucky's neck.

"I think our girls likes the affection mate," Bucky laughs and the warmth that flushes through me as he says 'our girl' makes me feel like I am burning from the inside out it sets such a strong heat pooling within me.

"I love you, both of you," I murmur and I don't need to look up to know they are smiling at me and probably at each other too.

"We know sweetheart and we love you too even if we don't deserve you," Steve says quietly before his warmth disappears and the doors of the lift are pinging open again.

Waking up I stretch a little and snuggle into the warmth of the bed, giggling a little as two arms tighten around me suddenly.

"Too early Doll go back to sleep," a voice murmurs from behind me and a delicious shudder rolls through me at the husky, sleep filled tone that his deep voice adopts this early in the morning.

"Okay," I giggle rolling over slightly to kiss him quickly on the corner of his mouth before closing my eyes and trying to capture this moment and immortalise it in my head because right now. This moment, was perfect. I felt as if I was in heaven, as if every trial and tribulation, every moment of pain and grief and torture was worth it because it led to this moment to being held in the arms of the two men I loved. Living normally, for once, just for a moment not thinking about death and villains and alien attacks, just being people, just learning to be people in love. Albeit in a very unconventional sort of relationship but I know it can't last. I know that soon we would all have to wake up and go back to saving lives and the world I just wanted to keep hold of this moment for a little while longer.

"You're thinking too much sweetheart," Steve's gruff voice mutters from in front of me and I open my eyes to see him staring at me and I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks as I watch his expression fill with loving concern.

"How do you know?" I whisper and he smiles at me, his fingers moving to trace my features gently in a way that makes me shiver slightly and my eyes flutter closed again for a second.

"Addi, we were best friends first remember, never underestimate how well I know you, how much I notice and have always noticed," he says earnestly and I have to keep my eyes closed so that he won't see how they have suddenly filled with tears.

"I don't think I will ever get used to the idea of you, of either of you, wanting me," I manage after a moment before gasping as the metal arm around me tightens and a soft growl escapes the man lying behind me and I open my eyes to see him suddenly looming over me his face terrifyingly beautiful and serious.

"Get used to it Dollface cos neither me or Stevie are ever letting you go, do you understand me? We love you, we waited for you for seventy years and we will keep you safe and with us forever okay," his words are spoken with a fierceness that I dare not argue with and so I simply nod before moaning helplessly into his lips as he kisses me just as fiercely.

"I'll go get coffee since it looks like we won't be sleeping any longer," Steve chuckles as I feel his fingers grip mine before letting go as he climbs out of bed, Bucky merely grunting at him as he continues his assault of pleasure across my face and neck.


	17. Chapter 17

It is two days before I figure out where the girl had meant we should meet and tell the others. A further day goes by before I can convince them that I need to be there and that it's not a trap and that I couldn't take everyone with me or they would get spooked. In the end it is decided that I would go with Nat and Clint as this was the least threatening combo and I would still be protected.

We get to the street, a dingy little back alley a few minutes early and wait in tense silence. I know the others are worried, Clint in particular had been hit hard by my capture and he had nearly come to blows with my two super soldiers over them believing he wouldn't be able to keep me safe, that was when he had admitted that he saw me as his own child and now I was worried for him too. It had been an emotional night last night to say the least.

"You sure about this kid?" Clint asks me for about the fiftieth time in the last hour and I sigh a little as I squeeze his fingers for a second.

"I'm sure," I whisper a shimmer of light and movement catching my eye before I can say anything else and turning I see the two of them standing there. Brother and sister, twins, and something did spark inside me as I look at them in the semi darkness, fully conscious and aware for the first time, a memory of sorts.

"I know you," the boy says in a thick accent and I nod a tiny bit, understanding that he was recalling a similar memory. There are no apologies now, none are needed I can read their regret and guilt and pain as easily and clearly as if they had said it out loud and she knows that, can see that.

"So…" I begin after a moment's hesitation and she steps forward.

"I am Wanda, this is Pietro, we are no longer on the side of the monster," she says simply and Nat shifts a tiny amount even as Clint grunts on the other side of me.

"You think we'll believe you just like that?" he growls and I sigh again,

"I can see inside their heads, I know they're telling the truth," I murmur quietly but he is not letting it go that quickly apparently.

"They nearly killed you, they tortured you and left you for dead," he grits out and I can feel both the twins tense then even as I do when the memories once again assault my senses, for a second threatening to take over completely.

"We cannot stay here it is not safe," Wanda says now but neither Clint nor Nat are willing to budge and I am getting desperate until I hear a glimmer of an idea from Wanda's head and so catching her eye I smile a tiny bit and even though I know this will hurt and Steve and Bucky will kill me I grab her outstretched hand and then grab Clints and push all the images from her head into his and then letting go manage to do the same with Pietro who has the good grace to catch me as legs buckle moments later.

"See, they're telling the truth, they're good, please," I mutter before I pause to breath and push away the black spots dancing in front of my eyes and am pleased to see their resolve crack and motioning the twins forward to the quinjet.

"Addi, what the hell happened?" Bucky's voice is equal parts frustrated and worried as he and Steve stand watching us disembark, me between Pietro and Clint as they support me slightly.

"Nothing, just had to project a few images, got a bit weak, I didn't pass out though," I say proud of myself and whilst Steve is still looking as concerned as ever I notice that Bucky can't help but grin a little.

"Come here dollface," he chuckles a little as he pulls me to him and lifts me off the ground groaning a little in appreciation as I sigh in contentment to be back in his arms again.

"I missed you," I whisper, "both of you," I add looking up at Steve who is standing directly in front of me now.

"You've only been gone two hours," Bucky laughs but I can tell he missed me too, that those two hours had been long and tense for my two super soldiers.

"I have to go sort things out sweetheart, go with Bucky and rest, I'll be back soon," Steve whispers and I nod in response, feeling exhaustion creep over me as he kisses me and I snuggle deeper into Bucky's side.

"He's mad at me," I say a few minutes later once the two of us are alone in our bedroom and he sighs as he moves to sit up on his elbow and lean over me slightly, the fingers of his metal hand moving to stroke my burning cheeks and cool them deliciously.

"He's worried about you that's all, we both are, we almost lost you doll, that scares us, we just want you safe," he replies and I sigh heavily, knowing that it was true, that I could do nothing about it and that it probably wouldn't be the last time I was in danger, and definitely not the last time they were to be in danger.

The next few weeks are fairly quiet really, several small recon missions for one or maybe two team members but things were steady as we waited for the inevitable showdown, it would come but both Wanda and I knew and had assured the others that now Ultron had lost the twins it would take him considerably longer to put together and put into action his plan. We had time, something which we had not had much of in the last few months and it was a nice feeling. We had settled into a routine of sorts over the last few weeks too, one or two of us out at a time but one of them always with me. Since retrieving the twins I hadn't been sent out again and at first I was okay with that because I was working with Wanda, training and being with Steve and Bucky but I needed to get back out there and the mission that had just come in was perfect for me. A two day recon, gathering some information and then home, virtually no danger and as Nat and Clint were both out and Bucky was needed elsewhere I was the obvious choice. Even so I am nervous as I approach our front door and prepare to tell Steve I was leaving in the morning for this mission.

"Hey sweetheart, how was your day?" he beams as I come to stand beside him in the kitchen and I smile back at him, relishing the warmth that fills me as he leans down to kiss me quickly before returning to his cooking preparations. "I thought we'd have chicken and salad tonight you okay with that?" he asks now and I nod again as I lean against the counter and watch him. For a few minutes neither of us say anything as he cooks and I watch him until eventually with a sigh he turns to me. "What's wrong sweetheart, you are entirely too quiet?" he asks and I sigh a little too, I always seem to forget just how well he knows me.

"I have a mission to go on tomorrow that's all," I say quietly wincing as he tenses all over moving a little too quickly as he rounds the counter and takes my head in his hands.

"Addi, it's too dangerous sorry, I… you can't go," he says carefully and I laugh thinking he must be joking.

"It's just a recon Steve, no danger involved, two days tops, I've done stuff like this hundreds of times, it is literally what I'm trained for, what I was good at before I even came to the Avengers," I laugh and he just shakes his head, his hands dropping to his sides as he does so and his demeanour changing so quickly it scares me.

"Why do you always insist on putting yourself in danger?" Steve growls angrily, his fists clenched by his sides and I suddenly find myself wishing that Bucky was here. I muse for a second how odd it is that whilst Steve is by far the most mellow and calm of the three of us somehow when it came to work Bucky always seemed to be the one to mediate our falling outs but he is out on a mission and not due home until tomorrow.

"Why can you never see that I am capable of looking after myself?" I bite back, I know I am pushing my luck, that the memory of me being held hostage is still especially raw for him, I think it brought back memories of losing Bucky too, but I was too frustrated at his continuing babying of me to care at the moment.

"Are you forgetting that you nearly died less than a month ago? You are not indestructible, you are too fragile to be out there," he shouts suddenly and I am shaking with anger now.

"No, I think it's pretty bloody obvious that I won't be forgetting that any time soon Steve, you're there every night when I wake up screaming after all," I yell back and he lets out a sigh his voice tight and full of pent up frustration.

"Then surely you realise that you cannot come with us," he says and I laugh, a bitter laugh full of my own anger and fear and frustration.

"That's exactly why I have to go, please understand that Steve. I have looked after myself for a long time, long before I ever met you, I… you know what I went through, if I don't do this then I am just proving that I am nothing more than a useless woman who is only good to stay in the house and do nothing," I exclaim.

"And what's wrong with that? Why can't you, God I just wish you would be more like Peggy she knew when to fight and when to let me fight for her," as soon as he says the words I can see in his face that he regretted it, that he knew it was wrong, that he didn't believe them but it was too late. The pain that hits me in the chest at his words is crippling and for a moment I can do little more than stand there and gasp for breath only snapping back to when he takes a step forward and I hold up a hand my body recoiling immediately. His face crumples as I do that and I want to forgive him because I love him so much but I can't.

"I see," I say eventually, my voice sounds cold and alien to my own ears and he flinches at the sound of it, "if that's the way you feel then I'll just go to my room, I hope you get back safely," I turn trying desperately to leave before the tears start but I know it is too late, he has seen, he can hear the stuttering of my breath as I try to control myself. As soon as I am out of the room I sprint to my room shutting and locking the door and then sinking to the floor as I cry.

I know he is outside the door, he has tried to speak to me a couple of times but I haven't responded. It's not even like it's a huge mission, just a recon to gather information and allies against Ultron so that we will be ready to fight but his words send fresh pain through me every time I think about them and fresh tears to my eyes.

"Addi, Doll?" Bucky's voice is soft and I whimper a little as I fumble with the lock and fall into his arms holding him as tightly as I can. "Baby what happened, Steve won't tell me, talk to me doll?" he whispers to me and I shake my head a little as I bury my face in his neck, shivering as the cool of his metal hand strokes across my burning skin. "You need to tell me babydoll," he continues and I sigh shakily.

"Steve… he… he said that…" I trail off another sob escaping me as I remember the conversation of hours ago.

"What did he say Addi?" he asks and his fingers feel slightly tenser against me even as he tries to comfort me still.

"He said… he said he wished I was more like Peggy," I feel pathetic even as I say it, it was stupid to be so upset about it but I couldn't help but feel insecure, he had loved her for so long and the fact that he held me to the same standards that he held her scared me more than I could say. Bucky doesn't say anything he just kisses me on the forehead and then marches out of the room and for a second I think he agrees with Steve or thinks I am being stupid but then I hear the crash and a scream escapes me before I can stop it as I rush out to see them facing off, Steve with blood dripping from his nose.

"Stop," I squeak but neither man hears as they continue to stare each other down, Bucky growling and Steve looking suitably broken.

"How could you?" Bucky shouts and Steve lets out a yell of frustration himself as he blocks another brutal blow from the former assassin.

"You can't tell me you're not worried about her too, I've seen you, I've sat up with you while we watch her sleep, scared that something will happen," he yells back and my breath hitches again as this new information is revealed, a new kind of pain gripping at my heart and making my stomach clench uncomfortably.

"Of course I worry but that doesn't mean we can lock her up and never let her take a risk again," he growls another punch landing before grunting as Steve hits back.

"I just want her to be safe, I love her," he shouts and they stand still for a moment staring at each other breathing heavily, neither of them aware of me standing there.

"You think I don't? You hurt her Stevie, how could you compare her to Peggy?" Bucky is shaking his head now and I can't listen to anymore and so I back out and go back to my room. Locking the door and shivering as I sink to the floor and try to think things through. I can hear them arguing into the night, hushed voices full of anger and frustration but I do my best to block it all out and not think about it.

The next day is dull and grey and I ignore the knocks on the door and eventually they both leave without me and as soon as they have gone I pack my bag and pull out a pen and piece of paper sitting down to write the hardest thing I've ever had to in my life.

 _Dear Bucky and Stevie,_

 _I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and you have made me happier than I ever thought I deserved to be. You saved me and for that I will be forever in your debt but now I have to leave you. I know it's the cowards way out to not speak to you face to face but I don't think I'm brave enough for that._

 _I will never stop loving you but I'm hurting you and that breaks my heart. I never wanted to come between you but I am and seeing you two fight over me, I'm not worth it, please don't hate me. I'm broken and I'm pathetic and I never wanted to be this way I hope that you can be happy without me I really do._

 _I love you._

 _Addi_

By the time I have finished writing tears are falling in steady streams down my cheeks and I allow myself five minutes to cry before I pull myself together and slip away into the streets.


	18. Chapter 18

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"It is the pain that is caused by them making no effort to contact me that hurts the most. I know it's ridiculous because I am the one who left and I shouldn't even be checking but something inside me thought that if they truly loved me the way the claimed to, that they would have messaged me and phoned me or, something. I've been checking my phone every few minutes and even though I know there will be nothing there a tiny bit of me still hopes every time I check it that I'll see a message. The bedsit I have found myself in is cold and damp and a physical ache settles in my stomach and chest as I check my phone for the hundredth time before a scream is ripped from my throat followed by a gasping, wrenching sob my phone slipping from my fingers as I throw it against the wall in sudden anger. Why? Why did they do it to me? Why did they pretend to love me when I so clearly meant nothing to them. The pain that thought caused in me made me want to curl up and die where I was lying, I hated how weak I was being, how worthless I felt but I could do nothing about it and so I just lay there silently, tears leaking continuously from my eyes as a numbness flowed slowly across me. I guess I was dead now, in a way at least and so maybe soon the thoughts would stop, the hope would stop and then maybe, just maybe, the pain in my heart would go away too. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"I don't know how long it's been, how long I have been listlessly travelling around the country trying to forget. The pain wasn't gone yet, neither was the hope that they would come for me but it was dwindling. I couldn't understand why they had said they loved me, why they had saved me and then pretended to want a family with me, to want me so they could just leave me like this. Yes, I know I was the one that left but I was angry and hurt and I didn't want them fighting but if I am completely honest with myself I was leaving them the give them a little bit of space and the shock them into fixing their argument. It backfired just a bit though because they didn't come to find me and they could have, easily. They had access to the best tracking systems in the world but still no one had come to find her. Not Steve or Bucky, not even Clint or Nat or Tony. Maybe it was best this way, maybe they had been waiting for an excuse to get rid of her and this was just the perfect opportunity. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"uspan lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"Third Person POV/span/u/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"Three months, it had been three months since the Avengers had come home to find Addi gone a tear stained note the only thing left behind. All hell had broken loose and despite the fact that her phone was gone too along with a bag of her things they couldn't seem to trace her. Something was blocking the tracking systems and whilst Tony and Bruce worked with Wanda and the others to find a way to track her Bucky and Steve took off to search for her. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"They fought, long and hard, over what had happened and it wasn't until Bucky had watched Steve spend an entire night crying, sobbing desperately in a way he had never seen that he forgave him and they made it up between them. After all, as Bucky had said, he had killed countless people, he had tried to kill both Steve and Addi and if they could forgive him that he could forgive Steve. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""I'm mad at her too you know," Bucky had whispered one night while the pair sat in darkness watching over another motel in the hope that they would see her, they had had a tip off she had been seen there. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""It's my fault Buck. This is all my fault," Steve replies miserably and Bucky sighs as he places a hand on his friends shoulder./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""No, you were wrong to say what you did but she shouldn't have run off like that, she knows the danger, she shouldn't always be so impulsive," Bucky responds, his voice grim and irritated and Steve just shakes his head a little./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""You don't know her past Buck, what she went through before us, trust is… difficult for her and we haven't exactly improved things for her," his voice is full of grief and regret as he speaks and it makes Bucky's heart squeeze painfully./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Well when we get her back we'll spend some time teaching her how to trust, how real relationships work and how things are worked out without running away and making everyone panic like this," he growls and Steve just sighs again and nods, praying that they would get the chance to do any of those things./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Captain Rogers, can you hear me?" Wanda's voice suddenly crackles in both their ears and they shoot confused looks at one another as Steve answers. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""We can hear you what's going on Wanda?" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Addison just contacted me telepathically, she's in trouble," the words strike fear into the hearts of the two men and they are on their feet in seconds and moving towards the truck they had been using./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Where?" Bucky asks even as he begins to ready his weapons,/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Sending you the coordinates now, she's not that far from you but she says the men who have found her are Hydra," they can hear the panic in Wanda's voice too and neither men speak as they speed towards the coordinates that are sent to them./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"They hear the fight before they have even switched off the engine and exited the truck, the sound of broken glass and god know what else echoing in the otherwise silent countryside they found themselves in. It takes her scream to jump start the two super soldiers into action as they sprint forward and quickly neutralise the men trying to take their girl from them. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""What are you doing here?" she asks in shock, although there is undeniable weakness, fatigue and pain in her voice too which makes both men pause. Hurt rushing through them at both her lack of understanding and her own pain. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Of course we're here Addi, we'll always be here," Bucky says eventually and they both recoil slightly at her bitter laugh, even as she still struggles to pull herself up to a standing position. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""You didn't come though, for months you didn't come, you didn't even call or text, nobody did," she yells and they both stand in silence for a beat before Bucky's anger and hurt consume him./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""That's not fair Addi! How could you think that? I didn't do anything, I was waiting for you and when you left… I… we… all of us tried everything to find you," he is panting by the time he has finished speaking and the guilt that floods her is so complete it is all she can do to hold in the sob in her weakened state. Truth be told all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and hold her, keep her safe between him and Steve but he was too angry and Steve was too guilty and so instead he turns away towards the truck trying not to listen to her whimpers as she drags herself after him./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"Sitting silently in the truck the mile's drift by quickly, all three Avengers looking and feeling more vulnerable, more fragile, more human than they had in many a long year. Steve drove, his attention on the road as far as anyone could tell and yet his mind was anywhere but. He was racked with guilt because this was his fault, he had argued with her, he had pushed her away and in doing so had caused a rift between all three of them and yet at the same time he was angry at her because she lacked faith in both of them and their love for her. Bucky was silently fuming that she had so little trust in him and at the same time glad she was okay, that she was with them again and terrified of the fact that Hydra were still out there and apparently after one half of his heart. Who was he kidding they were after all of him, all of them and he could not cope with even the idea of losing either of them./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"Addison on the other hand was so confused she didn't know what to think and it made her sullen and quiet and introverted in a way she hadn't been since coming to the Avengers when Clint had found her all that time ago. She was angry still, hurt and betrayed by them all but she couldn't help but cling to the idea that what Bucky had said was true then again, if it was the guilt in her would become such that she may well explode for the looks on their faces… oh God what was she thinking, they were just trying to help her, protect her, love her and she had allowed all her own insecurities, old, stupid worries rule her and she had done what she does best. She had run away and in doing so had hurt everyone and only now was she beginning to realise just what a stupid mistake that was. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"She is asleep by the time they arrive back at the compound and Steve sighs as he realises that Bucky was too locked in his head to wake her and so moving quietly to her side of the car and opening the door he shakes her gently./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Addi, time to wake up, we're home," he says quietly and she stirs a little, opening her eyes and she looks so lost, so… hurt that it takes everything in him not to gather her into his arms and forgive her but he manages somehow. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Thanks," she mumbles eventually, when her senses have returned to her and she steps out of the car, steadying her weary limbs against the side of it for a moment before moving off, unable to look him in the eye but able to feel him following close behind her. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;""Addi," the voice is loud and she flinches slightly as Clint appears in front of her pulling her to him quickly, "I'm glad you're home safe, you had us all worried sick, what you did, running off like that, selfish move kid, next time just come and speak to one of us," he says quietly and she is somehow able to nod at him before moving away slipping through the door to the apartment she shared with the two super soldiers, walk right by them only seeing their feet and into her room where she promptly shuts the door and sinks to the floor, silent tears making steady tracks down her dirty face./span /p 


	19. Chapter 19

**Addison POV**

Every part of me ached terribly, I felt as though my limbs were on fire as I tried to unfurl myself from the ball on the floor I had woken up in and drag myself to the shower. Standing under the hot jets of water the overwhelming guilt hits me yet again and more burning hot tears begin to leak down my already swollen face, my throat sore and chest heaving as I sink to the floor, sitting in the shower tray letting the water run cold as I continue to cry until I feel the water suddenly stop and feel something draped over me, arms lifting me up. I hadn't realised how cold I was, how the water was stinging my back until it stops and I let out an involuntary whimper, looking up startled as somebody shushes me and I see Bucky, his arms around me, I can feel his metal hand in my hair and I break again, clinging to him desperately as I sob.

By the time I have finally calmed down, my sobs reduced to hiccoughs I look up to him his eyes boring into my own, understanding my unasked question.

"Friday told me, she said you'd been in the shower too long, that the water was running cold but you hadn't seemed to notice, I was worried," he murmurs and that makes me cry again.

"I'm so sorry Buck," I manage to gasp out and he shakes his head his arms merely tightening around me a little.

"It doesn't matter, not anymore," he whispers but I shake my head even more vehemently at that, more fat tears escaping my eyes.

"It does though, it so does and I can't forget it, I've been such a stupid bitch and I don't know how to make it right again and it hurts so bad Buck, I don't know what to do, they all hate me, Steve hates me, you hate me and it's all my fault, I've messed everything up, I always mess everything up," I shudder in both cold and exhaustion as I finally finish speaking and he leans down and presses a soft kiss to my temple, somehow manoeuvring us so that the blankets are around me, my skin still cold, shivers rolling through me as he pulls me tight to him.

"Making yourself sick isn't the way to fix things doll," he whispers and the shudder that rolls through me this time has nothing to do with the cold. I had missed being held by them, either of them and the pet names more than I would ever admit and it is with this thought in mind that I slip into a somewhat peaceful sleep for the first time in a very long time.

 **Third person POV**

He waits until she is deep in sleep before removing himself from her carefully, being sure to wrap her tightly in blankets, his hand drifting to her forehead worriedly for a second before leaving the door open a crack and instructing Friday to keep an eye on her and moving towards the living room where he finds Steve pacing.

"Is she…?" he starts but Bucky sighs and puts a reassuring hand on his best friends shoulder.

"She's fine, she's just upset, she feels guilty is all," he says and Steve lets out a juddering sigh himself as he sinks to the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees and face buried in his hands.

"I'm the one to blame here," he murmurs and it is Bucky's turn to sigh as he sits beside his friend, feet on the table, crossed at the ankle, to all the world looking relaxed but he wasn't. Those that looked closely would see the tension in his shoulders and the worry still present in his eyes.

"She needs to feel this, she puts herself at risk too often and she needs to learn to trust us properly," Bucky explains and Steve looks up at him in confusion.

"You were the one who said I shouldn't compare her to Peggy, that I shouldn't try to keep her safe all the time," he says in bewilderment and frustration and Bucky makes a noise of annoyed amusement.

"I know and I stand by it, there are ways of saying things punk and you did it wrong. You hurt our girl and I had to call you out on it but she needs to learn too," he smirks and the bewilderment and frustration only grows.

Bucky leaves not long after, heading off to carry out a short recon mission and for the next five days both Steve and Addison successfully avoid each other, neither sleeping much, or eating much the toll showing quickly on both of them, more so on Addison and it is on the sixth day when she thinks she is alone and is trying to move quietly through the apartment that a dizzy spell hits her again and she grapples with the wall, groaning slightly as her legs buckle, confusion racking her as they give way but don't hit the ground. Instead, strong arms encase her and she is surrounded by one of only two scents which made her feel completely safe and happy and the feeling is so overwhelming that she very nearly sobs.

"I'm so sorry Stevie," she whispers after a further moments silence and he crumples this time, sending them both to the floor, his back against the wall her still cradled in his arms making shushing noises at her even as she twists to face him, her hands shakily reaching for his face. He tries not to flinch when he sees her, the paler of her skin, the sunken, dull look in her eyes and the dark shadows beneath them and the emaciated look she has, her clothes barely clinging to her.

"Addi," he sighs but she stops him, a shaking finger to his lips, heavy tears seeping down her sunken cheeks as she shakes her head.

"No Stevie, I was wrong. I was… I was so stupid, I thought… I thought it was all a lie, that you didn't… that you never, I was so angry and hurt and then I was scared and I was upset that I had made you and Bucky fight and so I was just going to lie low for a few days but then… when no one called, when you didn't come to find me, I started believing it all and… I should have known, you've been… you've always been so kind to me, you've kept me safe for so long and you loved me when I thought no one ever would and I ruined everything because I'm so fucking useless and I'm so sorry, so so sorry, please forgive me and I promise, I promise I'll be good, I won't mess up anymore I promise I just can't… I thought I could be away from you but it hurts too much and it's pathetic, it's fucking pathetic, I never needed anyone before but now that I've had you and Bucky, now that I know what it's like to be loved I can't… I just can't…" she trails off her breath rattling in her lungs and she tries to get enough oxygen in and she can barely hear his murmured reassurances as he holds her tightly, his fingers caressing and stroking every bit of her he could reach. Tears of his own spilling down his cheeks as he realises how much pain they had needlessly caused one another. It isn't until her sobbing has finally quieted a little that he begins to speak, his voice earnest and his hands holding her head securely, so that she could not look away.

"I have always handled everything to do with you so badly Addi, I have tortured and hurt you for far too long without even realising it and if it weren't for Bucky and Nat knocking our heads together I'm not sure I would ever have seen what was truly in front of me. I should never have said those things to you and I should have thought more carefully about you before I… I'm not good with dames Addi, you know that and, well, the only reason we've lasted this well is because you're just so god damn incredible but you were wrong too, I know you know that and I think now we just put it behind us okay? We forget it and we move past it," he whispers the last part his thumbs stroking across her cheeks, catching the tears that are still falling.

"I'm so tired of crying all the time," she says with a faint blush and he smiles a tiny bit even as he sighs.

"So we move past it and promise to never fight like that again?" he asks again and she looks up at him hesitantly.

"You want me back?" she asks in return and he buries his head in the crock of her neck inhaling her scent before kissing her gently in the spot just behind her ear making a shudder roll through her as she snuggles closer to his heat.

"More than anything in this world sweetheart," he says without hesitation and she takes another gulping, juddering breath at this, oh how she had missed him, missed those pet names. All she needed now was Bucky to make her feel truly safe and home again.

"Bucky," she manages to gasp out the name, exhaustion and hunger and emotion rocking through her and making it hard to breath at all now but he seems to understand and pulls her further into him briefly.

"He's on a mission sweetheart, should be home in a couple of days," she doesn't answer though and he moves her away from him slightly, panicking when he looks down at her, she is even paler now and her breathing seems too shallow, too raspy. "Addi, sweetheart, open your eyes for me darling," he murmurs earnestly, fear creeping into his voice as she remains unresponsive.

Moving quickly but careful not to jostle her too much he stands with her still cradled in his arms and moves towards the front door of the apartment and out into the corridor and lift.

"Friday, tell Banner I'm on my way to the medical bay with Addi, something is wrong," he commands and the artificial intelligence immediately replies, going silent for a couple of seconds before speaking to him again and letting him know that Bruce would meet him in the lab that also served as a medical bay.

"Captain, what's wrong?" Bruce says rushing towards them as Steve holds Addison even closer to him, unwilling to let her go.

"We were talking, making up and she was… she was crying and I noticed that she was looking quite weak but she just sort of stopped responding," Steve is frantic as he is forced to place her on the table as Bruce begins examining her and then running a series of diagnostics with the help of Friday.

Hours later and she is still unmoving, tubes helping to get more oxygen into her body blankets covering her, her fingers held firmly in Steve's as he sits beside her watching her silence covering them until the lab doors slam open and Bucky is standing there looking terrified. He reaches her other side in three strides his metal hand hovering over her face for a second taking in her features before he meets Steve's eyes.

"What happened?" he asks heavily, sitting down in the chair next to him and immediately gripping the fingers of her free hand in his.

"She exhausted herself to the point of collapse, Bruce says she's going to be fine but we need to keep an eye on her, make sure she's eating and drinking and sleeping enough. He says her powers still aren't fully realised and she needs to be healthy otherwise the side effects of whatever those monsters did to her could do her some real damage," Steve says quietly, his eyes never leaving her face, relieved and happy to see that there is a slightly more calm look on her face, as if she can hear them or as if she knows Bucky is back with them.

"You made up?" Bucky asks once he has processed the information Steve has given him and Steve smiles a little as he nods.

"Yeah, she's back with us and I don't intend to mess things up again and I don't think she does either, we've both agreed not to be such irrational idiots next time," Bucky laughs at this and then stills instantly as she stirs a little.

"Bucky," she murmurs her eyes still closed and he moves forward, his metal fingers weaving into her hair and gently massaging her scalp in the way he knew she loved and was rewarded with a hum of appreciation.

"Right here doll, not going anywhere I promise, I love you so much," he whispers as he presses a kiss to her head.

"Sorry," she murmurs now, "Stevie, I…" she trails off again as she coughs a little, Steve moving instantly to place a cup of water to her lips and let her drink a little.

"Shh, don't speak now sweetheart, just rest, we're both here and we're not going anywhere, we love you Addi, just sleep for us," he whispers pressing a kiss to her temple before moving to sit beside her again.


End file.
